Better Marketing and Selling Skills Can Improve Your Marriage
By Denise Michaels, Author, “Testosterone-Free Marketing”
Maybe this sounds like a big leap, but being successful in your business as a woman can actually make your marriage better and your husband more loving. I’m defining success as the perfect blend of enjoying what you do AND creating cash flow. Not one or the other – you get to have both.
Yes, I know there are men threatened by their wives’ success.
The first thing to do is unwind a couple powerful, but unhelpful beliefs out there that keep us twisted up trying to make money – but at the same time not make money. It’s like driving down the freeway with one foot on the brakes and the other on the accelerator at the same time. After all, a business without positive cash flow isn’t a business – it’s an expensive hobby.
Belief One: for men, there’s a strong belief that making money will bring love. The most lovely, caring wife, the family and the income to support it all. Most people have a belief this is so. It’s why many women – when they’re looking for love – also look for a man who can support her future family. We’re attracted to confidence and that begets success. Confidence and a can-do spirit is sexy. I’m sorry ladies, but 40 years of feminism doesn’t change four million years of human conditioning.
Belief Two: far too many women have a deep-seated belief, often subconscious, that making significant money will take love away from them. Many women fear if they make a good income he’ll be threatened and leave. Or, she might wake up one morning and say, “What am I doing with this turkey?” and leave. It doesn’t help that back in the day when women first started making good incomes in the 60s, 70s and 80s that happened – a lot.
If you’re married to a good guy – chances are his paycheck goes to taking care of many household expenses. It doesn’t really belong to him – it belongs to the family. But when things are flipped – for many women their paycheck never goes into the family checking account. Sure, it might pay for groceries and other things – but when you want a new pair of shoes – you get ‘em. When you want a little splurge or pampering you look at your money – and if you can do it – you spend the money.
When you truly want to be on an equal footing you stop looking at the money as his belongs to the family and yours belongs to you. Instead all the money is family money. You look at how your income can improve your lifestyle for the entire family rather than paying for splurges. You stop looking at your money as temporary and therefore fleeting and you look at it as part of your lives together.
You have a conversation with your husband. You say something like, “I want my business to be successful – because I love you and I love our family. It’s not just for fun – it’s for income, too. You’re the only one for me and I want us to have a great life together. I’m ready to stop sabotaging myself and really do the things that will make a difference. Which means putting less attention on _______, and more attention on marketing and selling.”
Then say, “Hon, I know you’re doing a great job and we’re a team together. But it’s really hard for one person to do it all in 2009. I want to learn ways to contribute more to our family as a team because I love you and I want us to have a great life together. I want us to be able to give our kids a good education and have a secure retirement someday. I’m not talking about putting more time into my business –I’m talking about re-focusing my energy into doing the things that will make more income in my business. I’ve avoided it – but it really means learning how to market and sell more successfully.”
Over the last eight years I’ve mentored over 1,400 women and a lot of men, too. In a few instances the women I mentored walked away from their marriages. These were very troubled marriages even before she started a business. In far, far more instances a woman making more money resulted in bringing a husband and wife much closer together because he felt a little less stressed and she saw her success not as something that split her from her husband – but something that brought her closer to him. After all, men find confidence sexy, too.