When the “American Dream” Becomes a Nightmare
Published July 12, 2011 | 
We have a tendency to think we’re the problem. 
I assure you – you’re not the problem.
It’s a perception that’s become all-pervasive. The perception is you’re not an okay person in America if you don’t have certain possessions. You’re doomed to unhappiness if you don’t have the right car, the right cell phone, the newest iPad or the coolest skinny jeans – oh, and the body to go with them.
Studies for eons now say over and over true happiness isn’t linked to money. True happiness isn’t linked to possessions. True happiness is linked to making a decision to be happy and creating a life for yourself that supports that happiness.
Even if it’s not easy – we still have a better opportunity to create the life we truly want here in the US than pretty much anywhere else. What makes it difficult is our expectations. If you have a belief that to be happy or to be acceptable to your families and friends you gotta have all these “things and stuff” – it dangles that creative, authentic, happy life further and further out in front of you like a carrot. Yet we can all enjoy life soooooo much more when we connect with what we really care about, what truly matters and go after that.
If you’re paying a big mortgage and the loan on a fancy-schmancy car or SUV, chances are you’re shelling out a couple thousand smackers a month just to maintain that status. You haven’t even turned the lights on yet or paid for insurance. Acquiring “things and stuff” to fill that house can be another huge drain that keeps you apart from living a life of meaning and purpose. Instead of living a life of doing what you’re passionate it’s a life of keeping up with the payments for all your “things and stuff.” The American dream of wealth can turn into a nightmare of chasing dollars to keep up.
“Things and stuff” don’t have meaning. They’re just “things and stuff.” They don’t have the ability to love you or give you anything in return. The marketing gurus in Madison Avenue ad agencies give them a meaning of status or okayness – and hope you buy into their notion of what creates happiness. Because advertising is everywhere we turn – we see it over and over. Subtly, imperceptibly we buy into it and gradually convince ourselves it’s our idea in the first place – not the advertising.
Last weekend I cleaned out my closet. I threw away two pairs of shoes, got rid of a sweater and a few other items. Not too bad. I know I have room for another pair of shoes now. *wink* One thing I learned from husband Ernie (he’s originally from India) is don’t buy something new unless you’re willing to get rid of something old. As a result, you must make a decision about what you’ll get rid of – which can be a bigger choice then what you’ll buy and add to your current stash of “things and stuff.”
Some people say, “Well, I’ll just make more money so I can afford more stuff.” Then you’re looking for faster and faster ways to create dollars rather than happiness so you can afford more stuff. Which at first gives people the illusion of thinking you’re “happy” (at least in the moment) rather than figuring out what truly makes you happy and do that instead.
I’ll never forget a woman I mentored a few years ago who said, “I want to make so much money that I can spend whatever I want and my husband won’t bug me about it.”
I replied, “What you’re really saying is you want an excuse to be financially irresponsible.” She was stunned I would go there, but I felt she needed to get her head out of the sand . There’s a certain amount of money that generally goes with certain jobs or businesses. Unless you do something drastically different, well, that’s the amount of money you have coming in. (Please click here now if you want to change you income picture with your current business.)
If you can buck the tide of so many businesses and people who say, “You need to buy more things and stuff to 
create a certain image,” there are amazing things you can do with the money left over. Start the business or charitable organization you’ve always wanted. Travel more. Save for your child’s education – or go back to school yourself. Learn to paint, play tennis or take up Tai Chi. Or, spend that $2,000 (plus airfare) for a week at that yoga retreat.
Think carefully about your purchases. Are they getting you closer to what you want to create in your life? Or, are they creating an excuse or a diversion for you so it becomes impossible to take substantial steps toward your dream? Step away from the expectations of creating an image that’s not your authentic self, anyway. Consider who you truly want to be and create THAT image and reality instead.
Posted in Empower U, Excellent Adventure, Income on the Move, Living on Purpose | 
American Dream, happiness, image, money | 
Leave a commentLooking Forward to My Stay in Union Square
Published July 6, 2011 | 
When we arrive in San Francisco we’re heading straight for our hotel, the Hilton in Union Square on O’Farrell Street.
I’m looking forward to staying there. I love the idea of staying in the heart of Union Square. It’s such a great part of the city. One thing I noticed on their website – the Hilton has a Starbucks right in the hotel. You just know I’ll throw on my jeans in the morning and head down for a cup of tea and maybe sit in the lobby to read the newspaper or catch up on emails for a little bit before starting my day.
People who know me know I’m a Starbucks aficionado. In fact, I’m thinking about writing an ebook on how to get the best deals when you order your favorite cuppa at the ubiquitious coffee joints with the green mermaid on the cup. Sometimes how you order can cut the price of your beverage by half. 
Really! Think about it.
Order a Venti Latte – and you’re looking at a $4.25 beverage. If you order a Grande coffee in a Venti cup and add the milk yourself you’re now looking at about a $2.50 beverage. Big difference if you do it over and over again every day.
Our reservation is for a room with two beds. Oh, all the rooms have flat screen TVs. Usually when I travel with Ernie I like to get a room with one queen or king bed because there’s often more room for a nice club chair or a loveseat and desk. Because this trip I’ll be meeting up with my sister, we’ve opted for two beds in our room.
The hotel looks like it offers a lot of amenities: restaurants, meeting space and much more. There are so many fabulous restaurants in San Francisco, but sometimes it’s nice to just make it easy on yourself and have breakfast or dinner at the hotel for a few meals. When I get there I want to take a video tour and share it here.
One of the restaurants at the Hilton is called, The Urban Tavern. I posted a picture below. Looks like it’s a pretty casual place – which suits the way we live now. I’ve lightened up on a lot of my eating lately – I’ve been keeping to a healthy diet the last couple months, so my aim is to keep it healthy on this and future trips. No Sweet and Sour Pork in Chinatown. If we go to one of the great Italian restaurants in San Francisco I’ll have to figure out a way to sidestep the pasta. Grilled veggies anyone?
Don’t you just love that funky cow sculpture in the restaurant? Or is it a horse?
Right near the Hilton is a lot of amazing shopping adventures. One of the things we said we want to do in SF is a little “retail therapy.” I have no idea what I want to buy. I just redecorated my porch as you know. In fact I replaced the two cafe chairs in one of the pictures with green wicker ones. I don’t need a doggone thing. But I’m sure I’ll find an amazing pair of shoes or earrings or something. So every time I wear them I’ll be reminded of the trip.
I love getting small treasures that are a reminder of a great time – especially usable items. In my bathroom I have a little plaster bas relief of ancient Greek soldiers perched on a small easel from a cruise through the Greek Isles. I got it during a stop in Rhodes. In my kitchen is a wonderful pitcher for water or juice shaped like a chicken that came from a stop on the island of Lesbos. I have a favorite silver bracelet from a week in Playa del Carmen, Mexico. When I went to the Winter Olympics a few years ago I bought one of those bells you hear spectators ringing as the downhill skiiers race down the mountain. It’s not practical – but a reminder of my trip and has a place of pride on my bookcase.
Just nine more days before jetting off to The City by the Bay. Can’t wait. Looking forward to share more about my trip when I get there. I’ve been to San Francisco a few times before. Been to Alcatraz, Pier 39, Nob Hill, rode the cable cars and a few more of the standard sights. What do you recommend I do while in San Francisco?
(These pictures are from the Hilton website.)
Posted in Excellent Adventure, Living on Purpose, Travel Adventures | Hilton, San Francisco, travel, Upcoming trip | 1 CommentWhat I Love About San Francisco
Published July 4, 2011 | In about ten days I’m going to San Francisco. 
My sister, Cherie, will be flying out from Denver to join me. We’re going to spend four days and three nights in the City by the Bay, as Tony Bennett crooned many years ago. Our plans are pretty loosey-goosey. I’m sure we’ll do some sight-seeing, it’ll be about sister time and retail therapy, too.
I remember the first time I went to SanFran I didn’t want to return home. My then-boyfriend literally had to drag me back on the plane back to Detroit. I just loved the culture, the diversity, the architecture, the hills, the cable cars and the bay. I was blown away by it all. In a good way.
I went for high tea at Neiman Marcus in Union Square. It’s the most elegant and relaxed event. The restaurant clings to an oval shaped balcony perched several floors above the shoppers. On the ceiling is the most spectacular, oval stained glass window. I remember that from my first trip many years ago.
Eight years ago I surprised my husband with a trip to San Francisco at Christmas. We flew there on December 27th and flew home New Years day. Ernie’s a train buff, and, I thought what better city for him to enjoy trains, cable cars, trolleys, etc.
Unfortunately I came down with a cold on Christmas day. So I’d go sightseeing with him in the morning. He’d go out exploring on the various forms of mass transit in the afternoon while I relaxed in our hotel room and nursed my cold. In the evening we’d go out to dinner.
On that trip, we stayed at the Sheraton close to Fisherman’s Wharf. The room was compact but elegant. This trip, sis and I will stay at the Hilton in Union Square. I’ll be sure to post a video blog about it. Gotta remember to bring my flipcam.
I’ve been checking the weather reports (here) and I can’t wait to get out of the Las Vegas desert heat for a few days. We’ve been baking in 110F. degree temps the last three days. San Francisco is supposed to be about 75F degrees for the high temps on the days we’ll be there.
On my last trip to San Francisco, since it was over the holidays, I thought it was an appropriate time to write my goals. I remember going to the opulent Fairmont Hotel at the top of Nob Hill and sat in a comfortable chair in the lobby and wrote and wrote. A crisply-uniformed waiter brought me fresh-squeezed grapefruit juice as I wrote. I hope I get time for something like that this trip. We’ll see.
There’s something about an adventure to a dynamic, diverse, vibrant city like San Francisco that makes life wonderful. I can’t wait.
Design Your Adventure
Published June 26, 2011 | Sometimes making the space where you live a little more pleasant 
and inviting is a wonderful way to make life feel better. So, why not create a slice of that exotic getaway right at home for the time being?
Even if you can’t go off to the Caribbean to lollygag away the rest of your life while ogling hunky cabana boys and drinking cocktails with fruit and little umbrellas in them. It’s still an improvement.
A couple weeks ago I started a decorating project for our porch. Where we live in Las Vegas the heat in the summer is scorching. So much so you feel pretty much trapped indoors all the time.
It’s like the flip side of winter in the northern climes where you don’t want to go outdoors most of the time. Want to go walking? You better do it at 5:30 or 6:00 am when it’s only in the 80′s because in a few hours the temps will soar to the triple digits.
I wanted to create a sense of cool and ease. I figured turquoise blue – like the Caribbean Sea – was probably the best way to do it. I’ve been growing herbs this spring and summer to add a touch of life to our porch rather than four stark, stucco walls. (Keeping them happy and well-watered is a challenge in the desert heat.)
Cost Plus World Imports inspired me with their 
cool, summery decorating ideas that are reasonably priced. I already owned the two Adirondack chairs for several years. They were a faded white and needed a scrubbing down first. I got Rustoleum spray paint in a deep aqua shade called “Lagoon.” Almost teal, actually. What a big difference. The cushions, the mosaic table and the umbrella are from Cost Plus. I gotta say, the umbrella we purchased yesterday, made the biggest single change.
Our porch is easily 10-15 degrees cooler now. But an added bonus – my office (behind the curtained sliding glass doorwall) and our living room feels cooler, too. (Even with insulated drapes my office is sometimes still uncomfortably hot during the summer.)
On the far wall you can see four small objects hanging in a neat row: those are small birdhouses. I paid about $4 each for them at Joann’s and painted them colors to match the cushions. The glass topped table and two cafe chairs I’ve owned for many years. I did a little faux painting treatment. On the chair seats I covered them with new foam, cool tropical fabric and vinyl over the top so they work with all the cool blue hues.
I mentioned plants earlier. They’re pretty much all herbs. In the picture below you see lavender and oregano. (The grass is fake.) I also have rosemary, tarragon, two types of basil, mint, thyme and sage. I’m looking forward to cooking with my herbs as they grow this summer. Have no idea what I’ll do with all of them during the winter.
Now the only hint you’re in the desert is the white stucco walls and the terra cotta sun thing-y on the far side of the greenhouse window that’s looking out from in the living room.
This morning I was out on my porch at about six this morning enjoying my tea. For a change I was unconcerned about the sun that would rise soon. We also have wifi on the porch so it’s easy to plug in our laptops or use my iPad out there.
We have a solid three months of this kind of heat. The second half of June, all of July and August and the first half of September. I plan to do a little entertaining out here. Maybe invite a few friends over for Mojitos and a big fresh seafood salad. Or brunch on a lazy Saturday. I’m ready for entertaining adventures now.
Now, if only I could get my husband Ernie to serve me an icy Pina Colada adorned only in a bath towel. *wink*
Moments that Change a Life
Published June 23, 2011 | “Your life is never going to be the same. 
I’m telling you – you just changed your whole life!”
Those were the words Howie Mandel, judge on “America’s Got Talent” said to contestant Laudau Eugene Murphy, Jr. last night as he belted out a number that brought the house to it’s feet in wild applause.
The 36-year old Murphy, a car washer from West Virginia, looks sort of like a cross between Bob Marley or Milli with a head full of dreads, jeans, finely chiseled features, soulful eyes, a dazzling smile and milk chocolate complexion. An unassuming guy with a nervous, “Oh, gee, shucks,” vibe.
But when the crooner sang he channeled Frank Sinatra. The Rat Pack is back. No joke. It was the essence of Swanky Franky – powerful, throaty and raw, perfect syncopation and silken smooth. The New York City audience roared their approval.
Go ahead and click here now to listen. (And, if you like talent shows, keep watching AGT. I have a strong feeling this dude will go to the top. I predicted country singer Kevin Skinner’s win from his first performance last year.)
Sometimes we have a gift we keep inside us. It can’t bless the world there. Until last night on national television Murphy kept his gift inside acknowledging this was the first time he ever auditioned for anything. He never blessed the world with his talent before. He put it all on the line – in a one minute performance – a one minute excellent adventure. And it paid off. Keep watching Landau Eugene Murphy, Jr. because this guy’s got talent.
Overcome with emotion and the adulation of the crowd, Landau wiped away tears afterward. He knew that in that one minute he totally stepped up to his greatness. Judge Piers Morgan said, “You’re emotional because you didn’t know how good you are – and now you do!”
What are you keeping inside?
Reconsidering Your Lifestyle (Part 1)
Published June 20, 2011 | 
If you’re like me chances are you have experience with the idea of “do what you love and the money will follow.” Or, simply the idea of endeavoring to make money doing what you’re passionate about. It’s always gratifying and fulfilling to truly do what you love. But the “money will follow” part? Sounds great on paper – but it doesn’t always turn out that way.
Along the way you positively work your tail off because you want to reach the point where the money IS coming in the way you’d like it to come in. As a result you pass up so many other opportunities because you’re staying focused on doing “what you love” – and setting the intention for the money to follow. But sometimes you miss out on other things you might fall in love with – if you had the time and resources to give them a fair shot.
And, if you have a home-based business chances are it’s a service oriented business. That means you work countless hours in service to your customers. Probably more hours on marketing, operations and all the other aspects of your business.
The idea of creating a business that’s as automated as possible so I (or you) can run off and play was not a comfortable one for me to hear at first. After all, I love the satisfaction of seeing the lights come on for my clients when they get some important idea or concept. For me, it’s always been about that one-on-one contact, even if that contact is on Skype.
Yet, Michael Gerber, author of “The E-Myth” series of books, for a generation now has said we need to create systems in our businesses so we can walk away, or, create an exit strategy to sell the business at some future point in time.
Doing what I love has been about business for so long – thinking about doing things just for fun (other than temporarily) feels odd. Shouldn’t I be working?
Sure, I can take off a weekend or go on vacation for a week (might bring my laptop and do some relaxed writing) but taking several months at a pop without more than about 5-10 hours of work per week? It sounds great – but I’m still wrapping my brain around the idea.
Automation and the Internet makes it possible – but isn’t it sorta going against our notion of “The American Dream?”
Transforming and Moving Forward… Gradually
Published June 15, 2011 | Every day I try to take at least one step – maybe two – towards 
having a life where I get to wake up and say, “What would be fun today?” Currently, I have more freedom than the average person. I have no boss. I have no time clock to punch. Some might say my mentoring clients are my boss – but I don’t feel that way. Each is only buying a few hours a month of my time – so there’s tremendous freedom.
Today I have a client meeting at noon – and then the rest of the afternoon and evening stretches out ahead of me. I have lots of things on my list I want to get accomplished – but I don’t have anything or anyone breathing down my neck that if I don’t get it done – I’m toast. The only part that’s not working is that I’m still trading hours for dollars.
Right now I’m creating a new website – well, I’m not building it – but I have a web designer who is. I hope to have it launched in the next month. The purpose is to provide a home for network marketers and people in direct selling – in all companies. It’s also to help people looking for a business opportunity – to go and make a choice of something that’ll work with who they are. Additionally, I want to provide plenty of educational opportunities to help MLMers achieve greater success. Lots of other great bells and whistles, too.
Right now, however, I’m in the original creation phase. It means working with web designers and graphic designers. (Let me know if you need one – I got awesome support here.) It means buying stuff, writing copy and putting together a strategy to get the word out once it’s ready and the bugs are worked out. Then, the big launch. By the way, if you have a big list (email, facebook, twitter) let me know. I’m starting to look for strategic partners.
Right now, I’m moving a lot of energy. Creating momentum. I’m probably weeks away from launch, and, months away from cash flow. I have no clue if this will work or not. I have a very strong, positive feeling about it. All the signals seem positive. But that’s all. Just a feeling. And, successful entrepreneurs often put a lot of resources into play – time and money – as I have – just based on a feeling or a hunch.
I want this idea to create my “Four Hour Work Week” based on the book by Timothy Ferriss. It’s an incredibly helpful read. Really helps to tweak your thinking in a different way. I recommend it.
If you’ve created residual income – I mean the real thing – you’re living on it, and, paying the mortgage and other bills with it: I’d like to hear from you. How did you do it? How many hours does it take you to maintain or grow? How long did it take you to get to a point where you could quit your job and other things and live residually?
Enquiring minds want to know… *wink*
The Excellent Adventure is Your Life Every Day
Published June 7, 2011 | 
It’s been a long time since I’ve written on this blog. I wanted it to be a journal of my world travels with Ernie and if I willed myself to head out in one year – somehow it would magically happen. Well, life had other ideas the last twelve months.
As we careened into the holidays last November it dawned on me, it was going to take much more than just a blog to live my ultimate excellent adventure. I was going to need more cash flow. Yes, I already make a nice income with my books, mentoring, yada, yada, yada. However, I was going to need more – because travel requires more money – plus there’s that pesky mortgage and other bills still at home while Ernie and I are away.
We sat down and worked out the numbers. We needed an additional $2,000 per month over what I’m currently making to be able to take a big trip for a month or two several times a year. Plus we would lose Ernie’s income from his part-time job (he’s semi-retired) when we take off. I’m not talking about lolling around in five star resorts – love ‘em, but it’s not realistic or even desirable for longer-term travel. I am talking about perhaps renting a vacation apartment for a week at a time in a city like Santiago Chile or Quebec City in Canada or a suburb outside of Athens Greece. Yes, you make your own bed. But you also have a kitchen and a living area and it feels like you’re living in a new place – rather than just visiting in a sterile hotel for a few days.
But I digress. For three months this year I got involved with a soon-to-be magazine project. It was very exciting and I dug in. I was offered a lofty title and promises of lots of money in the future. I learned all kinds of new things about the magazine industry and social networking as a business. Honestly, it was like getting a few college credit hours. But the more I got into it, the more I realized it was pulling me further and further away from the notion of the excellent adventure I want to experience with Ernie. I walked away. So, that was a detour.
I’ve got some very exciting ideas going forward and I’ll be sharing them here. Suffice it to say, the project I’ll be revealing later this summer I believe will help draw me closer to my excellent adventure and help a lot of people with something I believe is an unmet needs online. My excellent adventure every day right now is to do a little bit more to get me closer and closer to the day when Ernie and I pack up our bags and head out with my laptop, iPad and cell phone in tow as my traveling office.
Oh, I put up the picture of “Old Spice Guy” on this page because I feel those commercials are hilarious and they always make me laugh. Laughter is such a wonderful thing. That’s what makes life an excellent adventure every day even if it doesn’t feel particularly exciting. Laughter. Love. Taking a risk. And feeling deeply.
Am I Making the Moment Excellent Right Now?
Published October 21, 2010 | Are you doing what makes you happy right now? 
Are you making the moment excellent right now?
Are you feeling relaxed and fulfilled with your direction?
Answering those questions is about making an assumption you KNOW what makes you happy. You KNOW what makes a moment excellent and fulfilling.
Some people feel there is no greater joy in life than helping others. Later on down the pike some of those same people reach a pivotal moment when they decide, “The hell with this! These people don’t appreciate my hard work and efforts.” So a life that’s been based on providing service and kindness to others results in burn out and feelings of disappointment and resentment.
So, first it’s about struggling to figure out what change they need. What will make them feel happy and fulfilled. Challenging when your entire adult life has been about service to others and not about even tuning in to what you want.
Back to the Drawing Board
Published October 20, 2010 | 
In recent days I’ve gone back to the drawing board on this whole excellent adventure thing.
Y’know how it is – there’s something you want to do different in your life – and you want it right this moment. And the more your life is entrenched in being a certain way – the more of a struggle it is to unwind years of building and do something different. It’s like turning an ocean liner around. It takes a Herculean effort to make it happen.
It took me four years to write my book, “Testosterone-Free Marketing.” I thought I wanted to build a seminar empire like I worked for with Robert Allen. I watched and learned. I invested a lot in them – and in myself. And I enjoy speaking. It’s a blast. But the job of filling seats with attendees is 90% and speaking is the other 10% of the business. I finally came to the conclusion even though I’ve sold out the workshops I’ve done – I have no interest in spending 90 percent of my time worrying about how to fill seats.
I want to focus on writing. That’s what I’ve known God put me on the planet for since I was a girl of eight years old.
Assessing the Adventure so Far
Published October 18, 2010 | The notion of “Denise’s Excellent Adventure” was “launched” about five months 
ago. How are things going so far?
I can best sum it up by saying it takes a lot to make big life changes – especially when you already have a lot invested in who and what you are. Yes, I’d love to jet off to Italy or Patagonia for a month but it’ll be awhile yet before that happens. I’m looking for ways to live an excellent adventure right where I’m at until I’m ready to go to exciting places. Of course many people think I live in one of the most exciting places on earth – Las Vegas.
The original notion of the excellent adventure was to seek out and immerse myself in new cultures and to write. Writing has always been my passion – since I was a girl and all the way through Journalism and Advertising school in college to ad copywriting, articles, media releases, business proposals and website copy.
Welcome!
Dedicated to every 40+ person still kickin' it. If you have dreams and adventures you refuse to abandon - follow me on the journey. Life is one big adventure! Make yours excellent.
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