Archive for the ‘Personal Growth’ Category

When I work with my  marketing mentoring clients one of the first things I do is help them really understand at a deep level who their ideal clients are for their home-based business.  In doing this I ask them a series of questions to help ‘em gain more clarity.  The second bunch of questions fall under the category of, “What makes your ideal customer tick?”

Under that category I ask five specific questions including:

• *  Why does your customer get out of bed in the morning?
• *  Who is the most important person to him/her in the world?
• *  What is most important to him/her in the world?
• *  What do they want to accomplish before leaving this world?
• *  What does he/she really love about their life?

As a result of that – I keep asking these questions of myself over and over again.

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This weekend I read a blog post by a woman who said she’s  enjoyed wonderful travels over her lifetime to amazing, exotic places.  However age has taken it’s toll. She wrote chances are her travels are pretty much over.  She described creaky joints and how walking up curbs is like climbing mountains. Money’s tight, too.  She said she’s 54.

I was stunned. Only 54? Are you kidding me?

As I’m typing this I got a hip joint that’s achy. I need to lose weight. (My weight’s always fluctuated – more ups than downs.)  I have a slow metabolism that’s getting slower. My health is reasonably good – but I’m not likely to climb Katmandu any time soon.

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It started like a whisper. Change.

Change means releasing the old and embracing the new. Crazy thing is, we don’t always know what to embrace.

For a few years I’ve felt change bubbling inside. The last decade I’ve helped over 1,500 mostly home-based business owners enjoy greater success. I’m a marketing mentor – and I’m good at what I do. When clients act on what I teach – and most do – I’m thrilled for them.

When “Testosterone-Free Marketing” was released I left the Robert Allen organization. Yep, author of mega-bestsellers like “Nothing Down,” “Multiple Streams of Income,” and “The Enlightened Millionaire.” I was his Executive Assistant for 18 months. Then I became the top Marketing Trainer and mentor for his Enlightened Millionaire program for six years.

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Yesterday I met at Starbucks with another group of aspiring adventurers. Boy, did we have fun! The purpose of these get-togethers is providing support for people ready to re-design their lives. Its about making big shifts and creating new life grooves.

We met at the Starbucks in the Chinatown area of Las Vegas. Believe it or not, Vegas has it’s own Chinatown area. I wanted to meet there because going to China and walking The Great Wall is on my “bucket list.”

We pulled a couple tables together and got our beverages. This time of year it’s too hot to drink anything other than an iced Passion Tea, for me anyway. Although there was an Iced Chai in the group, and, Ernie got a Vivanno smoothie.

We talked about our excellent adventures. We talked about the shifts we needed to make it happen. When you have commitments and a certain way of doing things it takes conscious effort to change. We also discussed creative ways to make it happen faster: from house-sharing to sleeping on trains (my husband’s favorite) to finding work along the way to provide funds.

What always amazes me is the sense of ebullient hope people show at these events. Everyone around the table yesterday has struggled with the economy the last couple years. From job layoffs, to down-sizing homes, to a recent divorce and a woman who gets around town by bus because she doesn’t own a car. Yet, I didn’t hear a single complaint. Not one moan about the recession.

Instead, the conversation was about using the unexpected changes in our lives as a catalyst for positive growth. Turn lemons into lemonade. Rising from who you are now and gradually be, do, have something different. Totally different. It’s about your willingness to get out of your comfort zone. From an insurance agent who wants to be a life coach to a psychic who wants to write a book and travel the world.

I was proud of my group yesterday. Everyone who came is looking the right direction so they can thrive anew.

Are we a little crazy? Sure. We may drink the same iced coffee or Frappucino as the folks in suits rushing off to their jobs. But that’s where the similarity ends. We’re making happiness our aim. We’re redefining it in ways that happiness isn’t about the stuff you own. It’s about the experiences you have and the ways you share.

Join me at the next Excellent Adventure get-together coming soon.

All the best,

Denise Michaels
Author, ‘Testosterone-Free Marketing’

PS: Next month, I’m planning to put together a small tour of Starbucks in Southern California. I’ll be doing Excellent Adventure get-togethers. Want to meet and enjoy a get-together at a Starbucks near you? Can you gather a nice group of people looking to re-design their life? Let me know. I may put your city on my “tour.”

Are you champing at the bit when Friday rolls around? Excited to know for 48 hours you can give your crazy work pace a break and chill out?

The purpose of life is to be happy. To create the condition of happiness. It’s also to have an experience that satisfies our curiosity and longing to discover the world around us. First we must give to ourselves. Make ourselves happy. Then we can give to others and make their lives better.

Pretty tough struggle doing that from a cubicle.

Also, challenging with a business where you do the same thing over and over. Having Tupperware parties. Recruiting distributors. Or, selling houses. Over and over.

I get it. It costs money to live. Believe me, I’ve been working since I was 12 years old. I worked through college. I worked through divorce when I was heartbroken. I got to work two days after moving from Detroit to San Diego. I worked when I was married and when I was single. I’ve known disappointing struggle and dizzying success.

I’ve spent many years doing the “work as passion” thing. It feels less like work. Yes, it’s completely possible to love your work. However, no matter how you frame it, some things still feel like work. After all, helping people solve problems is why many businesses exist.

When you wake up if you can’t wait for it to be your day off, maybe you need an excellent adventure. Most home-based business owners never take a day off. We may lighten up on the weekend. But, if you’re truly dedicated and creating cash flow, true days off are far and few between.

Here’s a little homework assignment: go to http://www.bing.com It’s a search engine competing against the big boys: Google and Yahoo. Every day they display a beautiful picture. It might be the skyline of a European city. Fishermen off the coast of India. Or, a gorgeous shot of the Liberty Bell on the Fourth of July.

Mouse over the picture and you’ll see questions appear. Click to discover the answers. You’ll learn about an area of the world perhaps you never considered. There are people living, eating, working there every day. It’s a small, safe, free way to take a mini, five-minute excellent adventure.

Sure, an excellent adventure is far, far bigger. But it’s one tiny way to whet your appetite. Get started now.

Sometimes we have a tendency to make life more complicated then it has to be.

If there’s something you’re doing or not doing – that isn’t getting you the results you want in life – the answer is simple. It’s right here in this hilarious video.

Don’t over-complicate your life. You CAN make positive changes in an instant.

Bob Newhart – Stop It

Enjoy!

I walked out of the airport and was in Istanbul. A teeming city of 12.8 million people that straddles two continents, both Europe and Asia. The air sparkled from a recent rain and green leaves fluttered on the trees as cars whooshed by. Quickly, I hopped in a cab. Traffic signals and lanes mean nothing in Turkey. It was a death-defying ride to the hotel.

Turkey was an awakening. I didn’t know much about the country and the people. I loved everything about it. The people were gracious, gentle and kind. The architecture and history was amazing. The food was, well, in a word, “yum.” The Grand Bazaar was an amazing day of sights, sounds and shopping. What’s not to love?

Didn’t research much beforehand. I was too busy with business. I knew what the weather would be like. I knew a few hotspots I wanted to visit. I knew it’s a more moderate country from its conservative neighbors. That was about it.

I mentioned in my last post sometimes as women we have a tendency to hesitate and over-analyze. We hold off from taking action and getting out of our comfort zone because we’re unsure if it’s the right thing to do. We take forever making decisions. Visiting Turkey was the perfect thing for me to do. The thing you’ve been hesitating about, your excellent adventure, is probably the right thing for you, too.

But doubts linger. So we hold back from something we really want to do. You may have no interest in visiting Turkey. Your excellent adventure may be something totally different

A few years ago I discovered something called, “The Paradox of Learning.” It speaks to how we can get overly caught up in analyzing, researching and not doing.

Let’s say you decide you want to do something to change your life – start a network marketing business, travel to Istanbul or play tennis in a tournament. You know almost nothing. Let’s say everything you know about it is the size of a grape. Everything you don’t know about playing tennis is touching the outside of that grape.

So, you decide to learn more about playing tennis – or whatever. You watch a couple tennis matches on TV. Now everything you know about tennis is the size of a lime. Which means everything you don’t know is touching the outside of that lime.

You decide to learn more. You buy a couple books about tennis. Everything you know about tennis is now about the size of an orange – but everything you don’t know? It’s grown, too.

You research online about tennis. You spend endless hours hunched over your keyboard. Everything you know about tennis is about the size of a cantaloupe. But what’s happened to what you don’t know? It keeps growing.

So when do you know that you know enough?

Answer: when you know that you don’t know everything – but you’re willing to get out of your comfort zone, take a risk and get started. That’s when you know enough.

Have you ever heard that expression that perfect is often the enemy of good?

It means sometimes we feel we have to do something perfect. Unfortunately, this keeps us from actually DOING something because we don’t have it perfect yet – so we hesitate from pulling the trigger.

Today I woke up feeling like I need to get a handle on online marketing. I trotted off to my local Barnes & Noble to see what I could learn. I started online networking seven years ago. I’ve been getting clients online for years now. I’ve done blogs for several year. Tis isn’t my first rodeo. But there are a holes in my knowledge.

I have confidence in my ability to sell offline. I have confidence in my ability to write articles and posts that move people. I’ve sold a lot of my books from my website. I can talk a good game with most web designers. I have a lot of knowledge – but I haven’t put it together.

I’ve resisted because I’d rather write than figure out the tekky stuff. Honestly, just thinking about it makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up. I get all goose-bumply. But keeping my head in the sand won’t get me anywhere. It’s time to get over the lumps and bumps.

While at Barnes & Noble, I found eight books (maybe nine) I felt I could learn from. A lot of what’s in those books may be a repeat of what I already know. Even if I get a few tips, well, that’s a big help.

Even though it may seem like you have a lot still to learn – get started. It may not be perfect. Start putting it together anyway. There’s nothing like doing. Far, far better than reading and observing.

What can you do in the next 24 hours that’s a tiny bit out there that’ll get you closer to your goals? Closer to your excellent adventure?

All the best,

Denise Michaels
Author, “Testosterone-Free Marketing”

One impressions I get from many women is that deep in your heart you may have a subconscious belief that you’re cheating others and are somehow bad if you make a profit.

Do you feel guilty when you make a healthy profit on what you do?

Do you charge enough for your products and services or do you undercut yourself at times?

Yesterday I had a meeting with a lovely woman who owns a business but spends all her time promoting others. She doesn’t take any money for doing this. In fact, when she’s tried to charge for helping others in this way – sending out notices for others on her e-newsletter and other promotional strategies – people are actually angry with her and say she should be doing it free.

In the meantime, her dear husband is working his tail off trying to make ends meet and his job is based on earning commissions. Unfortunately over the holidays the commissions were very low and now they’re trying to figure out how to pay all their bills.

I asked some probing questions of this woman and discovered that her Mother was a stay at home mom who only worked part time on an infrequent basis. My client got a lot of deeply negative messages about women who promote themselves and try to be anything but humble and meek. Messages like:

“Don’t get a big head.”
“Don’t be conceited.”
“Don’t be selfish.”

The message she got was that when she is nice and gives everything away and constantly helps others she’s being “a good woman.” When she does something for herself – she’s not a good woman. So, she keeps creating circumstances that reinforce that perception.

The challenge is when it’s time to pay the bills – if you’ve shorted yourself on what you charge, you end up falling short when it comes to your lifestyle and paying your bills. You can’t exactly go to your mortgage company or the grocery store and say, “Um, I’m a really nice person. Would you give me a little extra discount?”

Of course we know that’s silly. Why? Because these real businesses don’t give extra discounts. So if you consider yourself a real business – why are you undercutting yourself?

Here’s where it comes back around: In the real business world people don’t say, “Gee, that’s so nice. She’s only charging me $$ instead of $$$.” Instead they silently think, “She’s charging so much less than market rates – she must not be as good.”

Traditionally women always gave away our work. We have a history as volunteers. And, for centuries we were at the bottom of the totem pole when it came to jobs. Women were praised for being selfless and for constantly giving with no expectation of ever receiving anything in return except the warm fuzzy feelings of knowing we’ve helped. We made our husbands look good in the community while he took care of the messy job of going out and slaying dragons. Additionally, many of us have dealt with boyfriends, husbands and partners who became threatened when the woman they love made significant money or enjoyed a level of success.

We live in a very different world than the world our mothers lived in when they raised us. We were raised to be good wives, moms, sisters, daughters, friends and maybe a good employee. But we certainly weren’t raised to be a good business owners. And, it’s extremely difficult in this day and age for husbands to carry the whole load.

What thoughts, beliefs or attitudes were you raised with regarding the money you earn? Was it different for a girl in your home or your community compared to a boy? How much is enough? Is it fair for you to get a healthy profit? Will those warm, fuzzy feelings pay the rent or the mortgage?

Women are now starting businesses at double the rate of men. This has been true for over five years now. But many women business owners struggle because they’re uncomfortable about what it says about them to be successful when they feel a societal expectation for women to keep give everything away. Is it a good thing to make a profit? Or, does it mean you somehow had to claw over others to gain success? Is your business struggling because you’re new and just getting off the ground? Or are you struggling for other reasons?

All the best,

Denise Michaels
Author, “Testosterone-Free Marketing”

PS: Sign up for my free Marketing and Empowerment Tips by clicking here.

By Denise Michaels,

(This is a continuation from Part 1.)

So, I knew I needed to make big changes. I knew I’d have to get out of my comfort zone to find true love.

I wrote an essay about what I wanted in a man. This is important. It doesn’t have to be an essay. It could just be a list. But here are a few crucial things to remember:

* If you want something in a man – you must be his equal because nature abhors a vacuum. If you want him to be fit and healthy it helps if you’re fit and healthy, too. If you want him to have a college degree it would help if you do too – or you’re working on it. It doesn’t have to be even-steven, but it has to make sense. If you want something you don’t possess – it helps if you have something else that compensates for that lack in a specific area.

* Sometimes we don’t realize it consciously, but what we THINK we want is actually what OTHERS want for us. Usually parents, girlfriends or someone else we have a close relationship with. These people have influenced us for years. They’re also the people whose approval we want so much we will unconsciously sacrifice perfect love (okay – almost perfect love *wink*) so they’re happy with us.

* Think about what will make your heart and soul happy. In my essay, I described how I wanted to feel when he touched me or held my hand. I described how I wanted his smile to affect me. I wanted him to be a good listener and have an easy sense of humor. I wanted him to be kind, gracious and liked by others but 100 percent true to me. I wanted him to have a good relationship with any children or exes. If he had children I wanted them to be grown.

* I didn’t care how tall he was as long as I could wear a medium heel and he’d be a little taller. I’m only 5’4″ tall and Ernie’s about 5’8″. After previous husbands who were 6’1″ and 5’11″ tall I learned height, though attractive, has nothing to do with real love. I also wanted a man who had a college degree who understood business but I didn’t want to be in competition. I wanted him to be supportive of my crazy ambitions and comfortable letting me shine. Ernie is all that.

* I didn’t care how much money he made but I wanted him to be self-sufficient and responsible with the money he did have. Traditionally women wanted men who make big bucks because at a primal level it was about looking out for the welfare of our future children. Now, its more about him being able to afford bling and a MacMansion. Don’t you trust in your ability to make your own money?

* Sweet, kind, supportive guys usually aren’t Wall Street Wonders or Captains of Industry slaying dragons and doing multi-million dollar business deals. Those guys want you to endlessly support them and be the Trophy Wife, not the other way around. The good guys are the men most women don’t notice. Or you’ll say, “He’s not my type.” They’re a teacher, web designer, social worker, computer geek, physical therapist, police officer or some other average position. These men can have a heartful of love to give.

* Millions of women are so busy drooling over “bad boys” and “players” – they never see the good guys. Open up to the idea that your type is an “unconditionally loving” man not a particular “look” or someone whose a constant challenge to your sanity or your self esteem. Slick guys lead to heartache. Why? Because they’re not emotionally available. They don’t know how to love a woman. They don’t have the maturity to be a loving husband to you.

* Don’t try to make him more loving, affectionate or communicative. The magazine headlines are wrong. Many women try to turn a person into a project. Stop wasting your time. Look for a guy whose naturally loving, affectionate and communicative. Upgrading his wardrobe and his hair isn’t difficult – but just about everything else is. It’s easy to change a man on the outside and almost impossible to change him on the inside. Besides, loving a man’s “potential” isn’t loving him – it’s loving what you WANT him to become.

Back to my story…

I didn’t date for almost a year – but I noticed when I started dating I was connecting with nice guys. I dated these men about a month and decided as nice as they were – we didn’t have enough in common to sustain a relationship. I looked at it as “practise.” I practised being open and vulnerable. I practised what it was like to share my feelings with a man and not have him whomp me over the head with ‘em later. Being vulnerable did make me more powerful.

When I finally met Ernie I just KNEW. I’d changed my perspective and my expectations of men. I changed what I thought of as important. So when I met that guy – my wonderful husband Ernie – it was instant. And yes, his smile still melts my heart, his touch makes me feel I’m home and he’s still a great listener.

When you get away from what you THINK you’re supposed to want and make different conscious choices that really work with the love you want to feel – that’s when you find love that’ll make you feel happy and fulfilled the rest of your life.

Isn’t that what you really deserve?

Tomorrow’s post: back to business. *smile*

Denise Michaels is author of the business bestseller, “Testosterone-Free Marketing.” Get your copy by clicking here. And, get Denise’s weekly empowerment and marketing tips by clicking here. Come join Denise Michaels in a movement to empower women business owners like you to be all you can be and to have more joy, more fun and more success in your life.

Denise Michaels, Author, “Testosterone-Free Marketing”

In a few minutes I’ll get up, go to the kitchen and go make my whole-grain blueberry pancakes for breakfast. Ernie’s home. I wouldn’t make ‘em for myself because I’m not really a breakfast person. I’m more of a yogurt, granola and berries kind of breakfast person. You know those cups they sell at Starbucks or Panera Bread? Love ‘em.

But he loves a big breakfast and now that he’s finally home from his big project in SoCal, I’m more than happy to fire up the griddle and give him the big, weekend breakfast he loves.

The last five weeks he’s been working on a project in Southern California. He took the short-term assignment because it was very good money and he’s starting a business soon – so it gave him a short-term cash cushion before getting started. He’s come home most weekends – but by Sunday afternoon he had to turn his car around and drive away for another week. Now he’s really home.

Funny how when he’s around most of the time – I find him a little annoying. He’s always interrupting me to talk as I’m working at the computer. Sometimes I’ll get up from my chair and give him a hug and a kiss because I discovered if I give him a little attention he gives me more space. These last five weeks I’ve missed those annoying interruptions. I’m so glad he’s home. After twelve years his smile still brightens my world and his touch makes me feel I’m right where I belong.

This isn’t a regular post on marketing, personal growth or common sense. But, it’s the weekend so I’m sharing how much it means to me to have a wonderful love. Even when I get mildly annoyed I don’t take it for granted. If you look under my archived posts for October 18th 2009 there’s a post about how we met. You can read the story there.

This post is about the things I did before we met to manifest Ernie. This isn’t a blog on finding love or dating. And I know you can be in a space where you’re perfectly happy without a love. But I know so many wonderful, single women who want to find the man of their dreams, either they’re divorced or never married, and it’s eluded them. (I’ll go back to business focused articles on Monday.)

A year and a half before meeting Ernie I was in a relationship with a man that became physically abusive. That’s how low I’d sunk in my ability to choose a good guy. I was 37. One day I was driving home from a busy day and I didn’t want to go home to the arguments, the drama and being flung on the floor or punched again.

I thought, “I’m too smart for this.” I suddenly realized with blinding clarity, “Based on results, obviously I’m not too smart or I wouldn’t be in this situation.” I passed by the small house I rented and kept driving. I drove to a Burger King, sat down and had a soda. I went home and announced he had 30 days to pack up and move out. Or, I’d get a restraining order. I helped him find a new place and that was that. Fortunately, he didn’t who come back or stalk me. He was gone and I was relieved.

I was working part-time in sales. I made pretty good commissions so I could do my own thing when I left the office about one-ish in the afternoon. I went to my boss. He and his wife were also friends and hiking buddies. I announced, “If I’ve seemed distracted, out of it, unfocused or anything – this is why.” and I explained. “But it’s over, he’s gone and thank goodness, I’m moving forward.”

My boss’ jaw dropped. He said, “I’d never guess anything like that could happen to you, Denise. You come to work in a good mood, you’re focused, you do a great job. I’m stunned.” He and his wife gave me hugs and we talked a little more. He recommended I buy a book titled, “Conscious Loving” by Hendrickson and Hendrickson.

I made a commitment to myself:
1. I would give myself time to heal. Not just form “emotional scar tissue” – but truly heal.
2. When I was ready I’d do whatever it takes to find true love – even if it meant getting out of my comfort zone.

I bought the book and started reading. I was sitting at my kitchen table with the sun streaming in the window on a Saturday morning. I read, If you want a true, loving, co-creative relationship you must be willing to give up all your emotional baggage from the past. You can’t bring it into a new relationship because it’s almost like a third person – and a negative one at that.

I had a panic attack. I’d never had a panic attack before – there I was clutching my chest and gasping for air at the kitchen table for about 30 scary seconds.

The book went on to say being vulnerable and open about your feelings in a loving relationship gives you power. I had so much scar tissue from two divorces by age 34 and other bad relationships that thought was totally opposite from what I’d come to believe. My experience was if I was open and vulnerable about my feelings people would find a way to hurt me. I wore my scars and hurts with pride like The Red Badge of Courage. This was be a total change. I took a deep breath. After all, everything I’d done in the past didn’t work. I was ready to change even if it meant stepping into some scary places.

More to come tomorrow…

Denise Michaels is author of the business bestseller, “Testosterone-Free Marketing.” Get your copy by clicking here. And, get Denise’s weekly empowerment and marketing tips by clicking here. Come join Denise Michaels in a movement to empower women business owners like you to be all you can be and to have more joy, more fun and more success in your life.