The Paradox of Learning
Published July 24, 2012 | 
Many people have dreams of doing great things, writing a book that will move people’s hearts and minds for example. So why do they shrink back and avoid doing it?
I believe when it comes to doing something as outrageous as writing a book – we’re waiting for someone to say, “It’s okay, you can do it. You have my permission.” But the is truth no one gives us permission. There’s no Queen Elizabeth who’s going to tap you on both shoulders and say, “I now proclaim you expert of _____________.” and then you’re magically it and everyone automatically accepts you as as the expert of ______________.”
Life doesn’t work that way. We have to claim it for ourselves. A leader is someone who goes first. What that means is that when you claim it, when you say that, “I am an expert” or “I deserve this” then other people begin to say, “Oh, okay.” It doesn’t start with you hoping and wishing they they will come up with the idea that you’re an expert or you deserve a certain amount of money for your expertise. It starts with you.
This leads in perfectly to the Paradox of Learning…
Let’s say you decide you want to learn something new – how to buy and own a restaurant, for example. But you don’t really know much about the restaurant business yet. Let’s say everything you know about restaurant ownership is about the size of grape. And everything you don’t know about restaurant ownership is touching the outside of the grape.
So you read a book on what it takes to own a restaurant. And now everything you know about restaurant management is about the size of a lemon.
But you still don’t feel like you know quite enough so you go and read two more books on restaurant ownership. Now everything you know about restaurant ownership is about the size of an orange. And everything you don’t know about restaurant ownership is touching the outside of the orange. However, you still don’t feel like you’re ready to sign on the dotted line and buy a restaurant yet.
So you do more to learn about this subject. Now you take a seminar on restaurant ownership. What happens? Well everything you now know about restaurant ownership is about the size of a grapefruit. And, that means everything you don’t know about restaurant management has expanded too – because it’s the size of a grapefruit, too.
Next you get a job bussing tables at a restaurant. And everything you know about restaurant ownership expands to the size of a coconut. However, everything you don’t know about restaurant ownership has expanded too – because it’s touching the outside of the coconut, remember?
So when do you know that you know enough?
You know enough when you know that you don’t know everything – but you’re willing to step out courageously and take action anyway – despite your fear that you probably still don’t know enough.
That’s courage and confidence in action. That’s true leadership.
Boldness has Success Written All Over It
Published July 23, 2012 | 
I’m typing this post to you from a lovely two-bedroom suite at the Hyatt Pinion Point in Sedona Arizona. It’s beautiful, elegant, natural, relaxing and great Feng Shui around here. Tomorrow we’re going to shoot some video in the morning and we’ll probably go hang out in the vortexes. It’ll be interesting to see if I feel anything while I’m there.
It was about five hour drive down here through quite a bit of rain but it looks like it’ll be a gorgeous day tomorrow.
As I’m sitting here on the terrace with sultry summer breezes, overlooking an inky dark sky filled with stars I’m reflecting on what it took to get to this spot. This is actually our celebration and reward for a successful “Occupy Your Life… NOW!” workshop last month.
If I’m going to be honest – there was some galloping chutzpah involved. I always tell people at my workshops, my webinars and my private mentoring clients that it takes getting out of your comfort zone to get to where you want to be. After all, if the way you are right now was exactly what you need to have your defininition of success – you’d be there by now, right?
Just makes sense.
I’ve discovered is you can’t hide out if you want to be successful. There is a notion in some circles that “I don’t have to sell to get sales.” There’s a belief among some people that, “I can keep being quiet and stay in my comfort zone and charge top dollar for what I do because people will be attracted to me according to law of attraction principles.”
I believe those principles. In fact my business partner and friend Stacey Hall who wrote the bestselling, “Attracting Perfect Customer: the Power of Strategic Synchronicity” is here with me. We believe in attracting what you want – but please don’t cotton to lovely however false idea that you can skip everything about marketing and business strategy and still get there. The Universe works in amazing ways – but not quite like that.
Many people find this hard to believe because I’m known as a speaker, a trainer and a motivator – but at my core I really am an introvert. That means I re-charge my batteries when I’m alone. I’m most comfortable in my own skin when I’m writing or doing something either solitary of with just one other special person – probably Ernie, my husband, or a close friend.
To manifest where I’m at right now I had to speak into my greatness. I had to be willing to claim it. I had to be willing to say in a bold way that I’m capable of helping people make some pretty incredible positive transformations in their lives and in their business. That means knowing me and really seeing who I am as a magnificent person with powerful gifts to share with the people who want to receive them.
I know I’m good at what I do. You probably know you’re good at what you do, too. But there’s a very good chance you’re waiting for others to discover it with out you saying a word.
Many years ago Woody Allen famously said, “Eighty percent of life is just showing up.”
Are you showing up for you?
There’s so much noise, confusion and caccaphony out there – showing up in a way so the right people notice and start paying attention (that’s what marketing is all about) is a challenging job for any small business owner. I’ll be honest – its not the most comfortable easy thing that I do. However, when I step outside my comfort zone and into “the puke zone” and say what needs to be said and speak my truth loud and strong – I always get positive results.
Take an honest assessment of yourself and your true desire to achieve your definition of success. 
Are you willing? Or, is your intention to keep visualizing and meditating on what you want without taking the action steps required to get there. If you’re not willing to get out of your comfort zone – it certainly doesn’t make you a bad person. But maybe it’s time to stop kidding yourself about how you’re going to create what you say you want.
Can you get there by just giving to others? I’m sorry, nope. There must be a fair exchange of value. Money is an exchange of value. Barter is an exchange of value – but you must see value in what another person is offering to agree to it.
Norman Vincent Peale said, “Help enough other people to get what they want and you’ll get what you want.” I do believe in Karma and that what goes around comes around. But if you don’t clearly state what it is that you want - you won’t get it. People will give back but it may not be what you need and want to create the success you’ve been visualizing for so long.
Every now and then I’ll see an award given. Someone is given a plaque of appreciation for tireless, selfless work on behalf of others. These never seem to be bold people. People will whisper, “She’s the nicest person. Always giving and never asks for anything in return.” Nice. That’s like telling the Universe, “No, please, stop. I don’t want anything.” The Universe says yes to our most dominant desire. Giving, giving, giving is a great way to receive appreciation and a moment onstage – but will it give you the success and the life you want?
Be honest now. *smile*
Are You Getting Paid What You’re Worth?
Published July 10, 2012 | By Denise Michaels
For over a decade now, women have been inching toward creating a new kind of success – business success. Most aren’t interested in building the next General Motors or MicroSoft. Does this sound like you?
You want to provide a service your passionate about and genuinely enjoy. You want to live a nice life doing what you love. You don’t want to be consumed by work and business on a 24/7 basis. You want success – on your own terms.
Chances are you started your business excited about helping clients AND making money. However, in the recesses of your mind you may have believed you wouldn’t make much money right away.
So you started: full of hope, working hard, getting your ducks in a row. You’re building a good reputation with your services at a rock bottom price. The strategy? “As my reputation and my brand grows – I’ll gradually increase my fees.”
Click here now for my upcoming webinar program, “Get Paid What You’re Worth – for Women!!”
Oh, the best laid plans of mice and men…
Reality often shows a picture that’s quite different.
As a marketing mentor for over a decade now, here’s what I see – a woman a few years later who is still passionate about helping people with what she does. Only now she’s a little discouraged and living month to month on less money then she did back when she had a job. Struggling to pay her bills. Wondering when it will get better. Does this sound like you?
- A web designer – client of mine – was dangerously undercharging. She thought she was taking her business seriously – but she really didn’t know how. People weren’t seeing her value even at her rock bottom prices. I got her to triple her prices. Not all at once – but she did it. She actually gets MORE web design clients than she used to, she has a part-time helper at her home who also does dishes and vacuums. And now her husband is no longer bugging her about going out and getting a “regular job.”
There’s a silent code which says there’s something unseemly, unattractive or not “nice” about women who have the nerve to CARE about making money. Society sees that woman as strident, cold and calculating. We don’t like her one bit.
If you quietly look down on another woman who is making the big bucks in her business – how can you possibly feel good about the thought of making a larger income from your own business?
For some inexplicable reason you may quietly judge women who show clear, focused ambition. “She’s okay,” we might sniff. “I just don’t happen to like her. I don’t know what it is about her.”
Click here now for my upcoming webinar program, “Get Paid What You’re Worth – for Women!!”
After all, in our Mom’s generation (maybe Grandma) a woman’s job was to make a home – not make an income. It was a husband’s job to bring home the bacon. Women were not allowed in that arena. Ever.
Money was rarely talked about in in mixed company. And, it sure as heck was NEVER talked about in the quilting circle, the garden club or the coffee get-together. In my groundbreaking book, “Testosterone-Free Marketing” I say that 40 years of feminism doesn’t wipe out 40,000 years of human conditioning.
- Met an attorney and mom of three at a summer barbeque two years ago. She told me she charges half what other attornies charge to be nice. She was stunned how her clients didn’t seem to respect her. I suggested she double her fees. She balked. Six months ago I bumped into her and she had the same lament. I gave the same advice and told her how to do it. Two weeks ago she called and said, “It worked!” She’s making enough income now to hire a part-time assistant AND a housekeeper one day a week. Plus, she STILL has 25% more income after paying her new helpers, but less stress, more time for family, and, more respect from clients and peers.
“She only cares about the money!” is one of the worst insults. It implies a woman who’s dishonest, lacks integrity, doesn’t care what she does to get money, and, who might even gladly sell her kids down the river for a few extra bucks. Okay, I’m only joking about that last part. *smile*
Some men are still threatened by a wife who makes as much or more money as he does. A few knuckle-dragging Neanderthals still exist. Just as many men don’t give a darn one way or another. It won’t change his love for her. But she’s still wired to the unspoken belief he might be bent out of shape if she’s successful.
A fascinating study I read about a year ago said man’s greatest fear is that if he’s not successful he’ll lose everything that matters to him. He’ll lose love and his family.
Conversely the study also said a woman’s greatest fear is if she’s successful she’ll lose everything that matters to her. She’ll lose love and her family.
Click here now for my upcoming webinar program, “Get Paid What You’re Worth – for Women!!”
These are extremes – but our subconscious mind doesn’t know the difference. We have put in place a glass ceiling of our own making. Now, it isn’t some mean-spirited male boss trying to keep us in our place. It’s us doing it to ourselves. Most women who are struggling to succeed as business owners are stopping themselves from creating and enjoying success.
- A copywriter in one of my webinars was approached by a highly successful man about writing his web copy. Then he dropped a bomb and tried to dicker her prices down. She replied, “Sir, with all due respect, I can’t afford to work with people who can’t afford my fees.” Not exactly what I taught her – but she stood up for herself. He replied, “I can afford you. I just wanted to see if you’d go lower.” She said, “I’ve already given you an excellent price.” Within 24 hours she had the largest check she’d ever received on her desk via FedEx. Within three months she quadrupled her income. In less than a year she moved out of her crappy little apartment and into a luxurious condo overlooking a golf course.
Isn’t it time to stop condemning ourselves and judging other women for caring about money and our financial future? Why do we assume making money, passion and integrity cannot happily co-exist? Why do we assume the people we love the most will suddenly turn on us when we’re successful?
It’s time to stop:
- Working harder and harder to make up for not clearly, politely asking for what you want in your business.
- Allowing clients to dicker down your fees, as they moan about “the economy and then silently resenting them later
- Spending tons of your valuable time doing “research” instead of spending that time creating more income
- Living the little ”white lie” that everything is fine to keep up appearancesyou’re making more money then you are
- Secretly worrying about the fact that you’re not saving money for your future needs as you probably should.
- Smiling at clients and not even telling them when you give away hours of time you should rightfully get paid for
- Spouting silly excuses about ”giving back” as a reason for undercharging when your own cup is almost empty
Click here now for my upcoming webinar program, “Get Paid What You’re Worth – for Women!!”
Women are starting businesses faster than men, and have been for almost a decade now. Isn’t it time we stop acting like we don’t care about money? That’s the purpose of having a business – to make money. If along the way you get to express your passion and do what you love that’s a wonderful thing. But the purpose of enterprise is to create income.
Get honest with yourself. When you do – you may discover you’re finally ready to release yourself from The shackles of what you thought was being “nice” and go for it, free from the bondage of limiting thoughts that have held you back until now.
On Tuesday October 30th, 2012 I’ll start, “Get Paid What You’re Worth!!” a five-session webinar series for women business owners of service-oriented businesses. If you provide a service in your business whether you’re a graphic designer, a life coach, a massage therapist, an attorney, a bookkeeper or something check it out. If you relate to the article above and know you undercharge, I’m confident it will be perfect for you. For more information, a 3-minute video and to get registered, go ahead and click here now.
Back to the Drawing Board
Published October 20, 2010 | 
In recent days I’ve gone back to the drawing board on this whole excellent adventure thing.
Y’know how it is – there’s something you want to do different in your life – and you want it right this moment. And the more your life is entrenched in being a certain way – the more of a struggle it is to unwind years of building and do something different. It’s like turning an ocean liner around. It takes a Herculean effort to make it happen.
It took me four years to write my book, “Testosterone-Free Marketing.” I thought I wanted to build a seminar empire like I worked for with Robert Allen. I watched and learned. I invested a lot in them – and in myself. And I enjoy speaking. It’s a blast. But the job of filling seats with attendees is 90% and speaking is the other 10% of the business. I finally came to the conclusion even though I’ve sold out the workshops I’ve done – I have no interest in spending 90 percent of my time worrying about how to fill seats.
I want to focus on writing. That’s what I’ve known God put me on the planet for since I was a girl of eight years old.
The Perils of “Cupcake Marketing”
Published September 7, 2010 | Let’s be honest. 
Many women who own businesses say they’re dedicated to creating success but they really have an expensive hobby. They take mincing steps questioning spending ten bucks on flyers or twenty bucks for a new book. But they effort spend hundreds on a new outfit or purse. Will this help you get closer to living an excellent adventure?
I call it Cupcake Marketing.
Back in the day women were always asked to bake cupcakes for bake sales. So they did. Some women still do. Many women always comply – and never ask for anything in return. They give it all away. Their hard work and ingredients are sold.
Eventually, many get peeved they’re always asked to bake cupcakes. But they wouldn’t dare say “no.” After all, they want to “be nice.” Nice is more important than time or money.
Another Excellent Adventure Get-together at Starbucks
Published July 20, 2010 | Yesterday I met at Starbucks with another group of aspiring adventurers. Boy, did we have fun! The purpose of these get-togethers is providing support for people ready to re-design their lives. Its about making big shifts and creating new life grooves.
We met at the Starbucks in the Chinatown area of Las Vegas. Believe it or not, Vegas has it’s own Chinatown area. I wanted to meet there because going to China and walking The Great Wall is on my “bucket list.”
We pulled a couple tables together and got our beverages. This time of year it’s too hot to drink anything other than an iced Passion Tea, for me anyway. Although there was an Iced Chai in the group, and, Ernie got a Vivanno smoothie.
We talked about our excellent adventures. We talked about the shifts we needed to make it happen. When you have commitments and a certain way of doing things it takes conscious effort to change. We also discussed creative ways to make it happen faster: from house-sharing to sleeping on trains (my husband’s favorite) to finding work along the way to provide funds.
What always amazes me is the sense of ebullient hope people show at these events. Everyone around the table yesterday has struggled with the economy the last couple years. From job layoffs, to down-sizing homes, to a recent divorce and a woman who gets around town by bus because she doesn’t own a car. Yet, I didn’t hear a single complaint. Not one moan about the recession. 
Instead, the conversation was about using the unexpected changes in our lives as a catalyst for positive growth. Turn lemons into lemonade. Rising from who you are now and gradually be, do, have something different. Totally different. It’s about your willingness to get out of your comfort zone. From an insurance agent who wants to be a life coach to a psychic who wants to write a book and travel the world.
I was proud of my group yesterday. Everyone who came is looking the right direction so they can thrive anew.
Are we a little crazy? Sure. We may drink the same iced coffee or Frappucino as the folks in suits rushing off to their jobs. But that’s where the similarity ends. We’re making happiness our aim. We’re redefining it in ways that happiness isn’t about the stuff you own. It’s about the experiences you have and the ways you share.
Join me at the next Excellent Adventure get-together coming soon.
All the best,
Denise Michaels
Author, ‘Testosterone-Free Marketing’
PS: Next month, I’m planning to put together a small tour of Starbucks in Southern California. I’ll be doing Excellent Adventure get-togethers. Want to meet and enjoy a get-together at a Starbucks near you? Can you gather a nice group of people looking to re-design their life? Let me know. I may put your city on my “tour.”
Teach a Man (or Woman) to Sell a Fish
Published December 2, 2009 | By Denise Michaels, Author, “Testosterone-Free Marketing”
Last Sunday morning I was watching, “Meet the Press” on NBC. The moderator, Dick Gregory, wisely decided to skip politics for once and talk about giving and gratitude since it was the week of the Thanksgiving holiday. He interviewed a couple of heavyweights on the topic.
The first half of the show he interviewed Rick Warren, pastor, of the huge Saddleback Church in Orange County California. Warren is also author of the mega-bestseller, “The Purpose-Driven Life.” Only the Bible has sold more copies than his book. The second half of the show, he interviewed Bill and Melinda Gates about their work with The Gates Foundation.
Early in the show Warren was asked about the old Chinese proverb, “Give a man a fish or teach a man to fish.”
Warren wisely replied that we also have to teach a man how to sell a fish – otherwise we end up with a glut of fish and poor fisherman who can’t sell their wares. And, I might add, then the fish start to stink.
Okay, I’ve been banging this drum for a long time now. I have many readers of my books, attendees at my workshops and marketing mentoring clients who’ve seen the light – however a lot of people still mistakenly believe that their ability to have a successful business lies in having a skill. It doesn’t. Your ability to have a successful business lies in having a salable product or skill and the ability to sell it.
I see people all the time who constantly go back for more skill training because they mistakenly believe that upgrading their skills will result in more business. Now, I’m not against upgrading your skills and keeping up. People do this because they’re fascinated by what they do – they want to learn more. People also do this because it’s safely within their comfort zone.
What I am against is the notion that increasing your skills and the services you can offer will create more cash flow. Most of the time it won’t. Learning how to market and sell effectively will increase your cash flow.
It’s like that ol’ quote by Albert Einstein, “Insanity means doing things the way you’ve always done them and expecting a different result.”
Here’s the good news about selling and the FIRST thing you need to learn: it doesn’t have to be pushy, obnoxious or anything negative. It should be win-win. It should be positive. After all, if someone buys your product or service they get to enjoy all the benefits. Start from that premise instead of the idea the mistaken idea that selling is always yucky or awful. After all, sales is what keeps our economy going.
Willing to Admit Your Level of “Cupcake-ness?”
Published November 12, 2009 | By Denise Michaels, Author, “Testosterone-Free Marketing”
Are you willing to admit you’re a cupcake marketer? C’mon, fess up. Confession is good for the soul. After all, admitting you have a problem is the first big step to solving the problem, right?
If you answer yes to any of the questions below – chances are extremely good you’re a cupcake marketer. Here are the telltale signs. Do you:
* Undercharge for your products and services compared to the going market rates? Yes No
(Millions of women do because they don’t trust in themselves, their ability to market and sell or both.)
* You say you do it “to be nice” or “to give back or “to pay it forward?” Yes No
(Your business is not a philanthropy – it’s a business. The purpose of a business is to make money – including a fair profit. Then once you make it if you want to give it to charity – that’s your business. But a business isn’t a charity.)
* Secretly wish you could hire someone to take care of the marketing and selling? Yes No
(You do this because you don’t know testosterone-free ways to market and sell. The highest and best use of time for any home-based business owner is to be selling.)
* Say, “I don’t do my business for the money – I do it for fun?” Yes No
(Which tells the world you’re probably not making much money. There are so many things you can do in the world for fun – travel, spending time with kids or grandkids, sports, hobbies, gourmet cooking, sex – the list goes on and on. Even though business can be a lot of fun – the primary reason is to make money – not fun.)
* Say, “I started my business because I love the product?” Yes No
(I love “Prego Spaghetti Sauce” and “L’Oreal Feria” hair color too but it doesn’t mean I’m going to start a business around it.)
* Try to get other women business owners to give you freebies to help you out? Yes No
(Just curious – how often do you actually BUY products and services from other women business owners? If you’re not buying regularly – you’re contributing to the pink collar ghetto and are a serial cupcake marketer.)
* Secretly (or not so secretly) you get upset if another women business owner refuses to give you freebies? Yes No
(Damn! Your plan to create money without spending any isn’t working. She’s not making it fun for you! If you feel you can’t control the situation – it happens because you don’t know testosterone-free ways to market or sell.)
* If they say “no” to giving you freebies do you run around and tell others online? Yes No
(Okay, you’re a cupcake marketer and a backstabber when you don’t get your way.)
* Are your finances tight yet you keep telling yourself if you give things away (or undercharge) it’ll all work out and come back to you eventually? Yes No
(Karma does come back around – but not always the way we want it.)
* Are you an MLMer, DMer or party plan gal signed up for more than one business opportunity, yet you aren’t making real money you can actually live on at any of ‘em? Yes No
(My marketing rule number one is “a confused mind says no.” When people see you’re home-based, with no staff and in more than one business they’re less likely to buy anything from you.)
* Do you see dollar signs when someone says, “You don’t have to sell the product – you just have to share the product?” Yes No
(You should run the other direction. It’s a lie.)
Here’s how to score your results:
1-3 YES Answers: Admit it, you’re a cupcake marketer. You’re learning a lot about your business, having a great time and you just know that things will come around and the dollars will start rolling in soon. But even if they don’t – you’re having fun and that’s what’s most important, right?
4-6 YES Answers: You got it bad girrrrrl. You keep a happy smile on your face and you still LOVE the product(s) or services you offer. But there are time when you’re a little discouraged. You believe if you keep doing what you’re doing it’ll all work out and come back to you. After all, isn’t that what “attracting” is about? Thank God your (pick one) husband, savings, 401k are there to keep the bills paid. For awhile anyway.
7-9 YES Answers: You’re a lifer. You’ve been doing serial businesses for years now. You haven’t quite found one where you don’t have to SELL the product or service you just SHARE it. However, you keep looking and hoping and telling others everything is “Fabulous!” with your current business.
10 or more YES Answers: You’re either homeless, couch-surfing or you have a very patient husband, boyfriend or partner picking up the tab. You don’t make enough money to even pay for groceries. No biggie, if you made a bunch of money either you wouldn’t be happy or you’d leave the jerk, anyway.
Denise Michaels is author of the business bestseller, “Testosterone-Free Marketing.” Get your copy by clicking here. And, get Denise’s weekly empowerment and marketing tips by clicking here. Come join Denise Michaels in a movement to empower women business owners like you to be all you can be and to have more joy, more fun and more success in your life.
In tomorrow’s post I’ll break cupcake marketing down into smaller crumbs so you can understand why you do it a little better and help you get on the road to recovery.
Posted in A-has for Women | 
business, cupcake, Denise Michaels, marketer, marketing, product | 
Leave a commentHow to Avoid Dreaded Cupcake Marketers
Published November 11, 2009 | By Denise Michaels
A couple days ago I wrote about something I dubbed, “cupcake marketing.” Women business owners who tend to expect everything free because they’re not so good at making decisions about their own business and hence they never have any money. So, they give everything away free – and then, they expect you to do the same because you’re a woman. They wouldn’t dare ask a man to do the same – but they expect you, a woman business owner to jump at the chance.
One woman commented in a Facebook message that she had three people today who EXPECTED her to give away her products for free. Can you imagine the gall? Expected her. Not even very polite. More threatening than anything else.
I told this woman if so many people are asking her for freebies that there’s gotta be something about her demeanor, her message or something that people seem to expect it. She needs to check in with what she’s doing first to see what it is about the impression or perception she’s giving off that’s creating that result. She can’t control others but she can certainly control what she does.
In my business, I don’t get a lot of this. But I hear it happening with other women a great deal.
I recently had someone start up a chat with me on Facebook. She was singing the blues about her financial situation – most of which I know is a result of not this recession but very poor decision making. She has a husband and two kids from a previous husband that are in her parents custody. She wanted money from me. She wasn’t even trying to sell me something just wanted a donation as if I’m some kind of patsy or something. I said, “Please, don’t ask me.”
She shot back, “Okay, I’ll just tell others you don’t care about mothers with children.”
Wow!
We need to learn what it truly means to support other women business owners. It means BUYING their product/service and paying for it. Not expecting freebies all the time That’s one way we can really step toward getting out of the pink collar ghetto of struggle and financial dependence.
Here’s the deal: you aren’t a charity. The women you know who are business owners – they’re not a charity either. No matter how much you may be struggling at the moment and would like someone to just write you a check. It’s not going to happen because you’re not a charity and you’re not a victim. Stop expecting others to treat you like one. Start learning how to market and sell effectively. Treat your business like a business and set the intention that others do the same.
I give money to charitable programs all the time. I give a monthly donation to public radio. I give money to efforts that help the homeless. I gave ten percent of the proceeds from my workshop last week to the charity Dress for Success helps women entering or re-entering the work force with training and a business-appropriate wardrobe. Occasionally, I’ll give money or help to someone who doesn’t ask for it but I can tell really could use it.
Last week I had someone offer to do a professional makeover on me: she’s a makeup artist. It was fun, I learned some great new tips and tricks that made my face look better. When it was done I purchased $100 worth of her cosmetics from her. They’re pretty high end so $100 didn’t buy everything but it’s a good start and an empowering way I could show support for her business. Click here to see Lisa Monette’s line of amazing OLA products. I supported her by buying her product – and when I’m ready I’ll buy more.
Many women have the mistaken notion supporting other women means offering a hug and a listening ear. Well, it does. But if you do only that – and then stop at the Estee Lauder counter to buy cosmetics – it’s not enough. Buy products and services from other women business owners. Tell other women to buy their products, too. When you do you’re setting up the Universal flow of prosperity and abundance so people are more likely to buy from you. If you’re a cupcake marketer and always expect freebies – the Universe gets that your mindset is in lack. And you get to have more lack. Don’t let it happen. Don’t be a cupcake marketer. Or, do things that attracts other cupcakes, too.
Denise Michaels is author of the business bestseller, “Testosterone-Free Marketing.” Get your copy by clicking here. And, get Denise’s weekly empowerment and marketing tips by clicking here. Come join Denise Michaels in a movement to empower women business owners like you to be all you can be and to have more joy, more fun and more success in your life.
Posted in A-has for Women | business, cupcake, facebook, marketing, message, owner, support, woman | 11 CommentsThe Perils of Cupcake Marketing Strategy
Published November 9, 2009 | By Denise Michaels, Author, “Testosterone-Free Marketing”
Last week I had an amazing workshop with a roomful of women dedicated to creating success in their business and in their lives. There’s been a terrific buzz all over town since. Attendees have called to say the information I shared is helping them increase their business income already. I’ve gotten offers for more speaking engagements and it just goes on and on.
Which is great but I keep thinking about the women who said “no.” It seems like some women declined out of fear. I wonder how far these women will ever grow with their home-based businesses?
Let’s be honest. A lot of women say they’re dedicated business owners but they really have an expensive hobby. So, when asked to consider a small investment to discover easy, testosterone-free ways to grow, they’re not interested because they don’t want to grow. They take mincing steps forward and question spending ten bucks on flyers. But they spend hundreds on a new outfit or purse. They drive a great car. It’s all about priorities.
I call it Cupcake Marketing Strategy.
You know how women used to always get asked to bake cupcakes for the bake sale for their kid’s school, the church, the library or whatever? They were asked to bake, so they did. Some women still do – every time. Many women always comply when asked – and never ask for anything in return. Then the organization sells their hard work and ingredients, the cupcakes, for a dollar each. Eventually, many get a little peeved that they’re always asked. But they wouldn’t dare say “no.” After all, they want to “be nice.” Nice is more important than their time or their money.
Pitching in and giving everything away is admirable when it comes to helping out in the community. However, it can spell disaster in business when we use that same penny-pinching thinking and don’t speak up for ourselves.
I’ve met women who seriously undercharge for their products and services because they lack the marketing skills and confidence to charge what they’re worth. They think they’re “being nice.” However, “niceness” results in a constant squeeze for money. To compound matters, they end up having a tough time getting new customers because people mistake “niceness” for incompetence. They think, “Gee, you don’t charging the going rate. Must be because you’re not be as good.”
Being “nice” is a totally different thing from being “pleasant” or “polite.”
Here’s the crazy part: instead of learning to politely decline, they keep doing it. Einstein said, “Insanity means doing things the way you’ve always done them and expecting a different result.”
Next these ladies try to figure out ways to get things free or discounted from other women – because they’re financially strapped. They wouldn’t DARE ask a man to discount his prices. This results in more women with financial challenges. They feel they can’t say “no” because they want to be nice. Maybe they’ll gripe to someone else – but never the person who asked them. After all, they don’t want the other person upset.
Oh, puh-leez… can we all just grow up a little?
The whole thing has spiraled out of control like an over-sized swirl of buttercream frosting on top of a Red Velvet cupcake. We are held to a totally different standard of “how to do business” from men. In so doing, we’ve created a pink collar ghetto of women entrepreneurs struggling to avoid getting a real job. Women who say, “everything is great” when they meet others. Most aren’t thinking about thriving – they’re too busy just surviving. In my experience these women believe someday:
* I’ll be able to charge full price
* I’ll gain the respect I should have
* People will see my true worth
* I’ll make enough money to end the struggle
* I’ll stop working like crazy with very little reward
It’s like believing someday your Prince will come. He’ll sweep you up in his strong, muscular arms and take you away from all the financial stress. If you’re really nice it’ll all work out and you’ll be rewarded for that. Well, yes karmically I believe that what goes around comes around – but if there isn’t a focus on financial gain – it won’t necessarily come back as financial good.
Someday is today. Nothing will sweep your stress away if you don’t figure out effective, testosterone-free ways to create more business income. There are three ways to build more business income:
* Get more customers (new and repeat business)
* Charge more for what you do
* Get customers to make larger purchases when they buy
Prince Charming in your business is about increasing your confidence, your marketing and your testosterone-free selling skills.
Stop waiting for people to notice your worth like you waited for the cute boy you passed in the hall in high school to notice you. That’s okay in dating – but will spell disaster in your business.
Shift your thinking, level of “deserving-ness” and marketing skills, chances are you’ll your business income will increase. No one taps you on the shoulder and says, “Okay, the coast is clear. You can now charge $XXX per hour instead of $XX per hour.” No one gives you a raise or permission. You must give yourself permission. Validate yourself. Take yourself seriously.
If you have the intention and you’re willing to do what it takes to make it happen – then you’re dedicated. If this describes you send me an email at mentoringwithDenise@gmail.com and I’ll put you on my list of people interested in possibly attending my next workshop. It’ll be held in Las Vegas sometime in February or March of 2010 and it’ll probably be a two day event. Worth traveling to if you don’t live here already.
The point is I’ve watched enough victims of cupcake marketing who don’t even realize they’ve fallen prey to it’s perils. If you’re ready to stop struggling and live an abundant, financially prosperous and deeply satisfying life say, “ENOUGH!!!”
Denise Michaels is author of the business bestseller, “Testosterone-Free Marketing.” You can get your copy by clicking here. And you can get Denise’s weekly empowerment and marketing tips by clicking here. Come join Denise Michaels in a movement to empower women business owners to be all that they can be and to have more joy, more fun and more success in your life.
Posted in A-has for Women | confident, cupcake, dedicated, home-based, nice, struggle, success, workshop | 7 CommentsDo You Care about Increasing Cash Flow in Your Business?
Published October 25, 2009 | By Denise Michaels
I used to attend a women’s business networking group where the social aspect was the most important thing and doing business was way down on the list. Even though their mission statement said they were committed to business. It wasn’t a group getting together for martini’s or margueritas at the end of the day. This group of 25-30 women business owners arrived once a week at 7:00 am for breakfast and they all acted like business didn’t matter much.
Doesn’t that seem a little weird?
Coming across as if you care about business and making a fair and abundant income for what you do is considered crass and icky by many women in what seems like all age groups. It’s as if it’s just supposed to happen – without asking or saying anything. These are the same women who privately fret over their bills because they don’t have enough money to cover everything. It’s almost as if somewhere in their subconscious they want someone to step in and handle it all. Write them a check to cover the shortage every month and just say, “It’s okay, honey. I know it’s tough out there. I’ll take care of you so you can go play and not worry about those nasty ol’ bills.”
A sugar Daddy – but no one calls it that because that would mean we’re golddiggers. None of us wants to be perceived as caring much about money, or, having a relationship about money. We just want it all to magically be taken care of without having to ask. That’s what husbands used to do.
Remember when Princess Diana died? It was August of 1997. There was a massive outpouring of grief and tears worldwide by women that totally eclipsed the death of any other celebrity. The funeral was watched by over a billion people around the globe. What was that about?
Many women saw in Diana a beautiful, caring woman who represented our desires for Camelot and Prince Charming. Someone to take care of everything and make it all better. Even after she and the Prince divorced, she didn’t have him but she still had money, the elegant estate, the gorgeous gowns and the worldwide stature as a Princess and everything that implies. When she died the hope for a handsome man swooping in on a white horse and saving us from all the headaches of “the real world” died, too. That’s where I believe a lot of the tears came from.
We really gotta get over our immaturity over money and making money.
I’m not suggesting we become money-grubbing and take advantage of customers. That’s a sure way to be unhappy and go out of business. I’m suggesting women charge what they’re worth instead of under-cutting themselves because they don’t feel “worthy” of as much money as others, or, because they want to “be nice.” Which usually translates into, “I don’t want to market myself and I hope by seriously undercutting my prices I won’t have to.”
Except this “strategy” boomerangs. People don’t think people cut prices to be nice. They figure, “Gee, she’s probably not as good.”
Same thing when it comes to asking for the sale. Many women won’t ask. They keep hoping customers will say, “Okay, I’ll take two.” Or, they ask in such a hesistant way customers sense their hesitation and back off.
We really gotta get over it.
A lot of other women say they do their business for fun. If a person doesn’t need money there are so many amazing things you can do for fun: travel, write a book, volunteer, go to the gym and work out, get involved in your community politically, enjoy hobbies, crafts, learn to be a gourmet cook, play tennis or golf, play with children and grandchildren. When did business become an outlet for “fun” for women and not about making money? A lot of women aren’t being honest or fair with themselves and others.
Yes, there can be many satisfying aspects to owning a business for women. And there should be. But not caring about making money? The purpose of a business is to make money. That’s the primary purpose. If you’re not making money you don’t have a business – you have an expensive hobby.
Isn’t it time we grow up and get over it? Isn’t it time we stop kidding ourselves, hoping some mythical figure on a white horse will swoop in and make it better so we can keep not caring?
We really gotta get over it.
Posted in A-has for Women | Adventurous Women, business, Denise Michaels, money, owner | Leave a commentWelcome!
Dedicated to every 40+ person still kickin' it. If you have dreams and adventures you refuse to abandon - follow me on the journey. Life is one big adventure! Make yours excellent.
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