By Denise Michaels,

(This is a continuation from Part 1.)

So, I knew I needed to make big changes. I knew I’d have to get out of my comfort zone to find true love.

I wrote an essay about what I wanted in a man. This is important. It doesn’t have to be an essay. It could just be a list. But here are a few crucial things to remember:

* If you want something in a man – you must be his equal because nature abhors a vacuum. If you want him to be fit and healthy it helps if you’re fit and healthy, too. If you want him to have a college degree it would help if you do too – or you’re working on it. It doesn’t have to be even-steven, but it has to make sense. If you want something you don’t possess – it helps if you have something else that compensates for that lack in a specific area.

* Sometimes we don’t realize it consciously, but what we THINK we want is actually what OTHERS want for us. Usually parents, girlfriends or someone else we have a close relationship with. These people have influenced us for years. They’re also the people whose approval we want so much we will unconsciously sacrifice perfect love (okay – almost perfect love *wink*) so they’re happy with us.

* Think about what will make your heart and soul happy. In my essay, I described how I wanted to feel when he touched me or held my hand. I described how I wanted his smile to affect me. I wanted him to be a good listener and have an easy sense of humor. I wanted him to be kind, gracious and liked by others but 100 percent true to me. I wanted him to have a good relationship with any children or exes. If he had children I wanted them to be grown.

* I didn’t care how tall he was as long as I could wear a medium heel and he’d be a little taller. I’m only 5’4″ tall and Ernie’s about 5’8″. After previous husbands who were 6’1″ and 5’11″ tall I learned height, though attractive, has nothing to do with real love. I also wanted a man who had a college degree who understood business but I didn’t want to be in competition. I wanted him to be supportive of my crazy ambitions and comfortable letting me shine. Ernie is all that.

* I didn’t care how much money he made but I wanted him to be self-sufficient and responsible with the money he did have. Traditionally women wanted men who make big bucks because at a primal level it was about looking out for the welfare of our future children. Now, its more about him being able to afford bling and a MacMansion. Don’t you trust in your ability to make your own money?

* Sweet, kind, supportive guys usually aren’t Wall Street Wonders or Captains of Industry slaying dragons and doing multi-million dollar business deals. Those guys want you to endlessly support them and be the Trophy Wife, not the other way around. The good guys are the men most women don’t notice. Or you’ll say, “He’s not my type.” They’re a teacher, web designer, social worker, computer geek, physical therapist, police officer or some other average position. These men can have a heartful of love to give.

* Millions of women are so busy drooling over “bad boys” and “players” – they never see the good guys. Open up to the idea that your type is an “unconditionally loving” man not a particular “look” or someone whose a constant challenge to your sanity or your self esteem. Slick guys lead to heartache. Why? Because they’re not emotionally available. They don’t know how to love a woman. They don’t have the maturity to be a loving husband to you.

* Don’t try to make him more loving, affectionate or communicative. The magazine headlines are wrong. Many women try to turn a person into a project. Stop wasting your time. Look for a guy whose naturally loving, affectionate and communicative. Upgrading his wardrobe and his hair isn’t difficult – but just about everything else is. It’s easy to change a man on the outside and almost impossible to change him on the inside. Besides, loving a man’s “potential” isn’t loving him – it’s loving what you WANT him to become.

Back to my story…

I didn’t date for almost a year – but I noticed when I started dating I was connecting with nice guys. I dated these men about a month and decided as nice as they were – we didn’t have enough in common to sustain a relationship. I looked at it as “practise.” I practised being open and vulnerable. I practised what it was like to share my feelings with a man and not have him whomp me over the head with ‘em later. Being vulnerable did make me more powerful.

When I finally met Ernie I just KNEW. I’d changed my perspective and my expectations of men. I changed what I thought of as important. So when I met that guy – my wonderful husband Ernie – it was instant. And yes, his smile still melts my heart, his touch makes me feel I’m home and he’s still a great listener.

When you get away from what you THINK you’re supposed to want and make different conscious choices that really work with the love you want to feel – that’s when you find love that’ll make you feel happy and fulfilled the rest of your life.

Isn’t that what you really deserve?

Tomorrow’s post: back to business. *smile*

Denise Michaels is author of the business bestseller, “Testosterone-Free Marketing.” Get your copy by clicking here. And, get Denise’s weekly empowerment and marketing tips by clicking here. Come join Denise Michaels in a movement to empower women business owners like you to be all you can be and to have more joy, more fun and more success in your life.