We have a tendency to think we’re the problem. I assure you – you’re not the problem.

It’s a perception that’s become all-pervasive. The perception is you’re not an okay person in America if you don’t have certain possessions.  You’re doomed to unhappiness if you don’t have the right car, the right cell phone, the newest iPad or the coolest skinny jeans – oh, and the body to go with them.

Studies for eons now say over and over true happiness isn’t linked to money. True happiness isn’t linked to possessions.  True happiness is linked to making a decision to be happy and creating a life for yourself that supports that happiness.

Even if it’s not easy – we still have a better opportunity to create the life we truly want here in the US than pretty much anywhere else.  What makes it difficult is our expectations.  If you have a belief that to be happy or to be acceptable to your families and friends you gotta have all these “things and stuff” – it dangles that creative, authentic, happy life further and further out in front of you like a carrot.  Yet we can all enjoy life soooooo much more when we connect with what we really care about, what truly matters and go after that.

If you’re paying a big mortgage and the loan on a fancy-schmancy car or SUV, chances are you’re shelling out a couple thousand smackers a month just to maintain that status.  You haven’t even turned the lights on yet or paid for insurance.  Acquiring “things and stuff” to fill that house can be another huge drain that keeps you apart from living a life of meaning and purpose. Instead of living a life of doing what you’re passionate it’s a life of keeping up with the payments for all your “things and stuff.” The American dream of wealth can turn into a nightmare of chasing dollars to keep up.

“Things and stuff” don’t have meaning. They’re just “things and stuff.” They don’t have the ability to love you or give you anything in return.  The marketing gurus in Madison Avenue  ad agencies give them a meaning of status or okayness – and hope you buy into their notion of what creates happiness. Because advertising is everywhere we turn – we see it over and over. Subtly, imperceptibly we buy into it and gradually convince ourselves it’s our idea in the first place – not the advertising.

Last weekend I cleaned out my closet.  I threw away two pairs of shoes, got rid of a sweater and a few other items.  Not too bad.  I know I have room for another pair of shoes now. *wink*  One thing I learned from husband Ernie (he’s originally from India) is don’t buy something new unless you’re willing to get rid of something old. As a result, you must make a decision about what you’ll get rid of – which can be a bigger choice then what you’ll buy and add to your current stash of “things and stuff.”

Some people say, “Well, I’ll just make more money so I can afford more stuff.” Then you’re looking for faster and faster ways to create dollars rather than happiness so you can afford more stuff. Which at first gives people the illusion of  thinking you’re “happy” (at least in the moment) rather than figuring out what truly makes you happy and do that instead.

I’ll never forget a woman I mentored a few years ago who said, “I want to make so much money that I can spend whatever I want and my husband won’t bug me about it.”

I replied, “What you’re really saying is you want an excuse to be financially irresponsible.” She was stunned I would go there, but I felt she needed to get her head out of the sand . There’s a certain amount of money that generally goes with certain jobs or businesses. Unless you do something drastically different, well, that’s the amount of money you have coming in.  (Please click here now if you want to change you income picture with your current business.)

If you can buck the tide of so many businesses and people who say, “You need to buy more things and stuff to  create a certain image,” there are amazing things you can do with the money left over. Start the business or charitable organization you’ve always wanted.  Travel more.  Save for your child’s education – or go back to school yourself. Learn to paint, play tennis or take up Tai Chi.  Or, spend that $2,000 (plus airfare) for a week at that yoga retreat.

Think carefully about your purchases.  Are they getting you closer to what you want to create in your life? Or, are they creating an excuse or a diversion for you so it becomes impossible to take substantial steps toward your dream?  Step away from the expectations of creating an image that’s not your authentic self, anyway.  Consider who you truly want to be and create THAT image and reality instead.