By Denise Michaels, Author, “Testosterone-Free Marketing”
Maybe this sounds like a big leap, but being successful in your business as a woman can actually make your marriage better and your husband more loving. I’m defining success as the perfect blend of enjoying what you do AND creating cash flow. Not one or the other – you get to have both.
Yes, I know there are men threatened by their wives’ success.
The first thing to do is unwind a couple powerful, but unhelpful beliefs out there that keep us twisted up trying to make money – but at the same time not make money. It’s like driving down the freeway with one foot on the brakes and the other on the accelerator at the same time. After all, a business without positive cash flow isn’t a business – it’s an expensive hobby.
Belief One: for men, there’s a strong belief that making money will bring love. The most lovely, caring wife, the family and the income to support it all. Most people have a belief this is so. It’s why many women – when they’re looking for love – also look for a man who can support her future family. We’re attracted to confidence and that begets success. Confidence and a can-do spirit is sexy. I’m sorry ladies, but 40 years of feminism doesn’t change four million years of human conditioning.
Belief Two: far too many women have a deep-seated belief, often subconscious, that making significant money will take love away from them. Many women fear if they make a good income he’ll be threatened and leave. Or, she might wake up one morning and say, “What am I doing with this turkey?” and leave. It doesn’t help that back in the day when women first started making good incomes in the 60s, 70s and 80s that happened – a lot.
If you’re married to a good guy – chances are his paycheck goes to taking care of many household expenses. It doesn’t really belong to him – it belongs to the family. But when things are flipped – for many women their paycheck never goes into the family checking account. Sure, it might pay for groceries and other things – but when you want a new pair of shoes – you get ‘em. When you want a little splurge or pampering you look at your money – and if you can do it – you spend the money.
When you truly want to be on an equal footing you stop looking at the money as his belongs to the family and yours belongs to you. Instead all the money is family money. You look at how your income can improve your lifestyle for the entire family rather than paying for splurges. You stop looking at your money as temporary and therefore fleeting and you look at it as part of your lives together.
You have a conversation with your husband. You say something like, “I want my business to be successful – because I love you and I love our family. It’s not just for fun – it’s for income, too. You’re the only one for me and I want us to have a great life together. I’m ready to stop sabotaging myself and really do the things that will make a difference. Which means putting less attention on _______, and more attention on marketing and selling.”
Then say, “Hon, I know you’re doing a great job and we’re a team together. But it’s really hard for one person to do it all in 2009. I want to learn ways to contribute more to our family as a team because I love you and I want us to have a great life together. I want us to be able to give our kids a good education and have a secure retirement someday. I’m not talking about putting more time into my business –I’m talking about re-focusing my energy into doing the things that will make more income in my business. I’ve avoided it – but it really means learning how to market and sell more successfully.”
Over the last eight years I’ve mentored over 1,400 women and a lot of men, too. In a few instances the women I mentored walked away from their marriages. These were very troubled marriages even before she started a business. In far, far more instances a woman making more money resulted in bringing a husband and wife much closer together because he felt a little less stressed and she saw her success not as something that split her from her husband – but something that brought her closer to him. After all, men find confidence sexy, too.
Denise Michaels, Author, “Testosterone-Free Marketing”
It’s been a little over a year since Sarah Palin burst on the national scene as the Vice Presidential candidate on Senator John McCain’s GOP ticket. Palin’s managed to not only stay in the headlines but her new book, “Going Rogue” to be released in a couple weeks, is already a bestseller on Amazon.com
Like her or hate her, Palin’s probably a pretty good example of the post-feminist woman. A woman who’s unapologetic about her confidence and willingness to take risks. A woman who doesn’t back down. A woman who’s never intimidated and keeps charging through life no matter what.
Back in the heyday of the feminist movement many assumed a “new woman” would evolve from the old “Stepford Wife” stereotype. This would be a result of a nation where women have a similar upbringing and the same kind of opportunities as boys and men have to succeed in life. This woman wouldn’t be compliant, cheerful, deferential and always standing behind her man. She would be bold, confident and a risk-taker. We saw this new woman as a positive improvement.
So how do you like that “new, empowered woman” now?
When Palin first became a national figure, I saw her as an example of how we’ve evolved over the last 40 years.
We talk about how important it is for women to become more empowered. She has no need to talk about “being empowered.” She’s powerful. She doesn’t need a fight for equal rights. She’s got ‘em. And, what’s your problem if you don’t feel equal or if you feel men have an edge? She doesn’t. She busted down the door of the world’s most entrenched “old boys network.” In contrast, Hillary Clinton spent years trying to figure out how to get invited in. There isn’t a “victim” or “martyr” bone in Palin’s body.
Palin grew up actively involved in sports. Her parents told her, “You can be anything you want in life.” Isn’t that what women want for their daughters?
I’m not in agreement with her uber-conservative points of view. I voted for the other guy. But I remain amazed by her super confidence and the moves she’s made over the last year. Not necessarily in agreement with them – but still amazed. As a marketing mentor I deal with women clients who love their business but feel uncomfortable and weird about getting the word out and asking for the sale.
So let’s step away from politics – because let’s face it – her political career appears to be over. What are your thoughts on the new woman? After all, if women today have big responsibilities like paying the mortgage and handling the finances – it just doesn’t work to be the woman who feels uncomfortable asking for money. What are your thoughts?
Denise Michaels is a marketing mentor, trainer and author of the business bestseller, “Testosterone-Free Marketing.” Find out more about her at her websites below:
By Denise Michaels, Author, “Testosterone-Free Marketing”
Living life on purpose means making conscious choices about how to spend your time in business and in life – every hour of the day. These are lofty words but I felt it would be valuable to give our women business owner readers a sense of how to keep living on purpose when stuff happens. Because when you get rocked off your foundation and dragged off on a tangent it can shake your confidence. The opposite of feeling empowered.
About ten years ago I got a big “a-ha” when I was working with a mega-bestselling author. Someone wanted to do a certain business deal with him. He didn’t want to do it. He said to the person at the other end of the phone line, “I’m not going to do this deal with you. And it’s not because it’s not a good proposal – it is. I’m confident you’ll make a lot of money with it. But here’s why I’m bowing out: over the years I’ve discovered it only makes sense for me to get involved with projects and ideas I’m really passionate about. I can see you’re passionate about it – and that’s good. But I’m not. So I’m going to pass because I want to keep my energy, resources and everything else focused on the things I’m really good at. Those few things I have a deep passion about.”
Overhearing that conversation turned me around. I got clarity, focus and started thinking differently about all the business deals and opportunities pitched to me by other women. As if we all have unlimited time and can keep stuffing more and more into our already over-stressed, over-stuffed lives. We don’t. It’s a great example of making a conscious choice and living on purpose.
How many times have you been approached by someone abuzz with a network marketing company or direct selling. They say something like, “If you love the product you should consider becoming a distributor.” Or here’s a good one: “You can do the business in your spare time.”
My reply, “What spare time?” I’m already having a tough time fitting in an hour to go to the gym and maybe spend a little quality time with my husband now and then whom I love dearly. How am I supposed to fit in time for another business?”
It might make perfect sense to a lot of people, but now that I have the clarity from that experience – it’s about the dumbest stuff I’ve ever heard. After all, I might love Prego Spaghetti Sauce but that doesn’t mean I’m interested in selling it as a business. Please don’t take this as if I have something against networking businesses – I don’t. Many people enjoy satisfying and successful businesses in MLM and that’s fine. I’m only speaking from my experience.
For women who are promoting a business – if you can show your prospects how your product, service or business opportunity IS the highest and best use of time and is in alignment with their core values – you will build your organization much faster. I use this approach in my own sales and about 75-80 percent of the time they happily say “yes.”
So keep your eye and our focus on what really matters, we can more easily judge what we want to put our valuable time into. We can discern that which feeds our passions and provides us with satisfaction no matter how much money we’re making – and which detracts from our lives.
PS: Visit http://www.EmpowerUAcademy.com and get my free marketing and empowerment tips today. Fast, free and delivered to your inbox.