Denise Michaels, Author, “Testosterone-Free Marketing”

In a few minutes I’ll get up, go to the kitchen and go make my whole-grain blueberry pancakes for breakfast. Ernie’s home. I wouldn’t make ‘em for myself because I’m not really a breakfast person. I’m more of a yogurt, granola and berries kind of breakfast person. You know those cups they sell at Starbucks or Panera Bread? Love ‘em.

But he loves a big breakfast and now that he’s finally home from his big project in SoCal, I’m more than happy to fire up the griddle and give him the big, weekend breakfast he loves.

The last five weeks he’s been working on a project in Southern California. He took the short-term assignment because it was very good money and he’s starting a business soon – so it gave him a short-term cash cushion before getting started. He’s come home most weekends – but by Sunday afternoon he had to turn his car around and drive away for another week. Now he’s really home.

Funny how when he’s around most of the time – I find him a little annoying. He’s always interrupting me to talk as I’m working at the computer. Sometimes I’ll get up from my chair and give him a hug and a kiss because I discovered if I give him a little attention he gives me more space. These last five weeks I’ve missed those annoying interruptions. I’m so glad he’s home. After twelve years his smile still brightens my world and his touch makes me feel I’m right where I belong.

This isn’t a regular post on marketing, personal growth or common sense. But, it’s the weekend so I’m sharing how much it means to me to have a wonderful love. Even when I get mildly annoyed I don’t take it for granted. If you look under my archived posts for October 18th 2009 there’s a post about how we met. You can read the story there.

This post is about the things I did before we met to manifest Ernie. This isn’t a blog on finding love or dating. And I know you can be in a space where you’re perfectly happy without a love. But I know so many wonderful, single women who want to find the man of their dreams, either they’re divorced or never married, and it’s eluded them. (I’ll go back to business focused articles on Monday.)

A year and a half before meeting Ernie I was in a relationship with a man that became physically abusive. That’s how low I’d sunk in my ability to choose a good guy. I was 37. One day I was driving home from a busy day and I didn’t want to go home to the arguments, the drama and being flung on the floor or punched again.

I thought, “I’m too smart for this.” I suddenly realized with blinding clarity, “Based on results, obviously I’m not too smart or I wouldn’t be in this situation.” I passed by the small house I rented and kept driving. I drove to a Burger King, sat down and had a soda. I went home and announced he had 30 days to pack up and move out. Or, I’d get a restraining order. I helped him find a new place and that was that. Fortunately, he didn’t who come back or stalk me. He was gone and I was relieved.

I was working part-time in sales. I made pretty good commissions so I could do my own thing when I left the office about one-ish in the afternoon. I went to my boss. He and his wife were also friends and hiking buddies. I announced, “If I’ve seemed distracted, out of it, unfocused or anything – this is why.” and I explained. “But it’s over, he’s gone and thank goodness, I’m moving forward.”

My boss’ jaw dropped. He said, “I’d never guess anything like that could happen to you, Denise. You come to work in a good mood, you’re focused, you do a great job. I’m stunned.” He and his wife gave me hugs and we talked a little more. He recommended I buy a book titled, “Conscious Loving” by Hendrickson and Hendrickson.

I made a commitment to myself:
1. I would give myself time to heal. Not just form “emotional scar tissue” – but truly heal.
2. When I was ready I’d do whatever it takes to find true love – even if it meant getting out of my comfort zone.

I bought the book and started reading. I was sitting at my kitchen table with the sun streaming in the window on a Saturday morning. I read, If you want a true, loving, co-creative relationship you must be willing to give up all your emotional baggage from the past. You can’t bring it into a new relationship because it’s almost like a third person – and a negative one at that.

I had a panic attack. I’d never had a panic attack before – there I was clutching my chest and gasping for air at the kitchen table for about 30 scary seconds.

The book went on to say being vulnerable and open about your feelings in a loving relationship gives you power. I had so much scar tissue from two divorces by age 34 and other bad relationships that thought was totally opposite from what I’d come to believe. My experience was if I was open and vulnerable about my feelings people would find a way to hurt me. I wore my scars and hurts with pride like The Red Badge of Courage. This was be a total change. I took a deep breath. After all, everything I’d done in the past didn’t work. I was ready to change even if it meant stepping into some scary places.

More to come tomorrow…

Denise Michaels is author of the business bestseller, “Testosterone-Free Marketing.” Get your copy by clicking here. And, get Denise’s weekly empowerment and marketing tips by clicking here. Come join Denise Michaels in a movement to empower women business owners like you to be all you can be and to have more joy, more fun and more success in your life.