marketing

Are You Getting Paid What You’re Worth?

Published July 10, 2012 |

For over a decade now, women have been inching toward creating a new kind of success – business success. Most aren’t interested in building the next General Motors or MicroSoft. Does this sound like you?

You want to provide a service your passionate about and genuinely enjoy. You want to live a nice life doing what you love. You don’t want to be consumed by work and business on a 24/7 basis. You want success – on your own terms.

Chances are you started your business excited about helping clients AND making money. However, in the recesses of your mind you may have believed you wouldn’t make much money right away.

So you started: full of hope, working hard, getting your ducks in a row. You’re building a good reputation with your services at a rock bottom price. The strategy? “As my reputation and my brand grows – I’ll gradually increase my fees.”

Click here now for my upcoming webinar program, “Get Paid What You’re Worth – for Women!!”

Oh, the best laid plans of mice and men…

Reality often shows a picture that’s quite different.

As a marketing mentor for over a decade now, here’s what I see – a woman a few years later who is still passionate about helping people with what she does. Only now she’s a little discouraged and living month to month on less money then she did back when she had a job. Struggling to pay her bills. Wondering when it will get better. Does this sound like you?

A web designer – client of mine – was dangerously undercharging. She thought she was taking her business seriously – but she really didn’t know how. People weren’t seeing her value even at her rock bottom prices. I got her to triple her prices. Not all at once – but she did it. She actually gets MORE web design clients than she used to, she has a part-time helper at her home who also does dishes and vacuums. And now her husband is no longer bugging her about going out and getting a “regular job.”

There’s a silent code which says there’s something unseemly, unattractive or not “nice” about women who have the nerve to CARE about making money. Society sees that woman as strident, cold and calculating. We don’t like her one bit.

If you quietly look down on another woman who is making the big bucks in her business – how can you possibly feel good about the thought of making a larger income from your own business?

For some inexplicable reason you may quietly judge women who show clear, focused ambition. “She’s okay,” we might sniff. “I just don’t happen to like her. I don’t know what it is about her.”

Click here now for my upcoming webinar program, “Get Paid What You’re Worth – for Women!!”

After all, in our Mom’s generation (maybe Grandma) a woman’s job was to make a home – not make an income. It was a husband’s job to bring home the bacon. Women were not allowed in that arena. Ever.

Money was rarely talked about in in mixed company. And, it sure as heck was NEVER talked about in the quilting circle, the garden club or the coffee get-together. In my groundbreaking book, “Testosterone-Free Marketing” I say that 40 years of feminism doesn’t wipe out 40,000 years of human conditioning.

Met an attorney and mom of three at a summer barbeque two years ago. She told me she charges half what other attornies charge to be nice. She was stunned how her clients didn’t seem to respect her. I suggested she double her fees. She balked. Six months ago I bumped into her and she had the same lament. I gave the same advice and told her how to do it. Two weeks ago she called and said, “It worked!” She’s making enough income now to hire a part-time assistant AND a housekeeper one day a week. Plus, she STILL has 25% more income after paying her new helpers, but less stress, more time for family, and, more respect from clients and peers.

“She only cares about the money!” is one of the worst insults. It implies a woman who’s dishonest, lacks integrity, doesn’t care what she does to get money, and, who might even gladly sell her kids down the river for a few extra bucks. Okay, I’m only joking about that last part. *smile*

Some men are still threatened by a wife who makes as much or more money as he does. A few knuckle-dragging Neanderthals still exist. Just as many men don’t give a darn one way or another. It won’t change his love for her. But she’s still wired to the unspoken belief he might be bent out of shape if she’s successful.

A fascinating study I read about a year ago said man’s greatest fear is that if he’s not successful he’ll lose everything that matters to him. He’ll lose love and his family.

Conversely the study also said a woman’s greatest fear is if she’s successful she’ll lose everything that matters to her. She’ll lose love and her family.

Click here now for my upcoming webinar program, “Get Paid What You’re Worth – for Women!!”

These are extremes – but our subconscious mind doesn’t know the difference. We have put in place a glass ceiling of our own making. Now, it isn’t some mean-spirited male boss trying to keep us in our place. It’s us doing it to ourselves. Most women who are struggling to succeed as business owners are stopping themselves from creating and enjoying success.

A copywriter in one of my webinars was approached by a highly successful man about writing his web copy. Then he dropped a bomb and tried to dicker her prices down. She replied, “Sir, with all due respect, I can’t afford to work with people who can’t afford my fees.” Not exactly what I taught her – but she stood up for herself. He replied, “I can afford you. I just wanted to see if you’d go lower.” She said, “I’ve already given you an excellent price.” Within 24 hours she had the largest check she’d ever received on her desk via FedEx. Within three months she quadrupled her income. In less than a year she moved out of her crappy little apartment and into a luxurious condo overlooking a golf course.

Isn’t it time to stop condemning ourselves and judging other women for caring about money and our financial future? Why do we assume making money, passion and integrity cannot happily co-exist? Why do we assume the people we love the most will suddenly turn on us when we’re successful?

It’s time to stop:

Working harder and harder to make up for not clearly, politely asking for what you want in your business.
Allowing clients to dicker down your fees, as they moan about “the economy and then silently resenting them later
Spending tons of your valuable time doing “research” instead of spending that time creating more income
Living the little ”white lie” that everything is fine to keep up appearancesyou’re making more money then you are
Secretly worrying about the fact that you’re not saving money for your future needs as you probably should.
Smiling at clients and not even telling them when you give away hours of time you should rightfully get paid for
Spouting silly excuses about ”giving back” as a reason for undercharging when your own cup is almost empty

Click here now for my upcoming webinar program, “Get Paid What You’re Worth – for Women!!”

Women are starting businesses faster than men, and have been for almost a decade now. Isn’t it time we stop acting like we don’t care about money? That’s the purpose of having a business – to make money. If along the way you get to express your passion and do what you love that’s a wonderful thing. But the purpose of enterprise is to create income.

Get honest with yourself. When you do – you may discover you’re finally ready to release yourself from The shackles of what you thought was being “nice” and go for it, free from the bondage of limiting thoughts that have held you back until now.

On Tuesday October 30th, 2012 I’ll start, “Get Paid What You’re Worth!!” a five-session webinar series for women business owners of service-oriented businesses. If you provide a service in your business whether you’re a graphic designer, a life coach, a massage therapist, an attorney, a bookkeeper or something check it out. If you relate to the article above and know you undercharge, I’m confident it will be perfect for you. For more information, a 3-minute video and to get registered, go ahead and click here now.

Posted in A-has for Women, Confidence for U, Excellent Adventure, Living on Purpose, Personal Growth |

Tagged Adventurous Women, business, comfort zone, get paid, marketing, money, struggle, webinar

The Changes Bubbling Up Inside

Published August 9, 2010 |

It started like a whisper. Change.

Change means releasing the old and embracing the new. Crazy thing is, we don’t always know what to embrace.

For a few years I’ve felt change bubbling inside. The last decade I’ve helped over 1,500 mostly home-based business owners enjoy greater success. I’m a marketing mentor – and I’m good at what I do. When clients act on what I teach – and most do – I’m thrilled for them.

When “Testosterone-Free Marketing” was released I left the Robert Allen organization. Yep, author of mega-bestsellers like “Nothing Down,” “Multiple Streams of Income,” and “The Enlightened Millionaire.” I was his Executive Assistant for 18 months. Then I became the top Marketing Trainer and mentor for his Enlightened Millionaire program for six years.

Continue reading →

Posted in Empower U, Excellent Adventure, Personal Growth |

Tagged business, change, comfort zone, marketing, mentoring, passion, Robert Allen |

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“Old Spice Guy” and a Changing World

Published July 19, 2010 |

Back in the day – the average person didn’t have access to media. They talked at us. We either listened, listened and purchased or turned the channel. Now, it’s a whole new ball game.

Until recently Old Spice was a tired, old brand. Enter some new ads (seen largely as YouTube videos) featuring hunka, hunka burnin’ chocolate love former NFL wide receiver Isaiah Mustafa. So far so good. The videos are going crazy on YouTube.

Here’s where it shifts. Old Spice asked people to submit questions to Old Spice guy. One guy asked if he’d propose to his girlfriend. He did.

Go to: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_-fLV28SkZ8 (If the link doesn’t work, copy and paste it into your browser window.)

The proposal video featuring Old Spice guy’s been online six days and has over 736,000 views. What does this mean? The average person has access to getting a message out in ways that were formerly impossible.

When my book was released, I wanted like crazy to get on Oprah and other national shows. Unfortunately, my crackpot publisher (don’t ask!) didn’t get distribution to major booksellers – so, no national TV exposure. I struggled, but made “Testosterone-Free Marketing” a business bestseller with internet sales – so it’s all good.

People ask, “When will you write another book?” Or, “When will you go BIG?”

My aim is to write and hopefully help people that way. It doesn’t have to be a book – but I do want to get paid. If I have an idea for a book I must write – I will. The world’s changing. Lately, I’m happy blogging, writing articles, etc. I can create a following using social media. When that following is big enough, I can get paid without being in bookstores or getting on Oprah.

Visit your average bookseller. What do you see? Books written by celebrities and wannabes. People with a big platform of fans growing bigger. People seen in Hollywood, reality TV, politics, or, they’ve had bestsellers out for decades. This is where the majority of book contracts go. Where are the thoughtful, intriguing books written by an unknown author that make you think and discover new ideas? They’re buried or never make it into print. Without promoting the right way – well, fuddegaboudit.

Recently I met a woman who paid $65,000 for a package that promised support getting her book written, published, promoted and a bunch of bells and whistles. The guru who sold her the package fell short. But that’s not the point. People are desperate to crack the code on becoming known.

Create an Internet following and your own platform. Become a known expert on twitter, your fan page or your blog. Don’t wish and hope for national TV exposure. Build your following, your tribe, one happy fan at a time. And, do it from your laptop or Ipad while enjoying an excellent adventure.

Posted in Adjusting to Change, Excellent Adventure, Marketing Adventures, News You Can Use |

Tagged blog, book, change, Internet, marketing, platform, struggle |

What’s Your Secret Excellent Adventure?

Published July 13, 2010 |

Y’know, the one you’re shy about talking with people about.

Maybe you’re set in your business or your career and you don’t want to upset the applecart. After all, the economy is improving – but by any measure it’s limping back – not exactly jumping for joy. You don’t want to speak about it too much because maybe you’re afraid it’ll consume you in it’s grip and there’s nothing else you want to do. You know the one.

Maybe it’s a new passion. Or maybe it’s something you’ve wanted to do all along but you just haven’t figured out a way to make money with it. Plus you have a “monthly nut” you need to cover to have “a life.”

I want you to consider doing something new with your life: there’s always a way. You may not know what the way is yet. I may not know what the way is yet. But at least be open to exploring the possibilities.

Martin Luther King said, “You don’t have to see the whole staircase. Just take the next step.”

If you’re a woman and you have challenges with marketing and selling, get my book, “Testosterone-Free Marketing.” I promise it’ll help you to understand the fear you have around asking people for money and what that whole baloney is about. I promise. Go to http://www.tfmbook.com

If you want to create income online from blogging and somehow monetizing the special information you have, I recommend two other books, “Now is the Time to Crush it: Cash in on Your Passion” by Gary Vaynerchuk and “The 4-hour Work Week” by Timothy Ferriss. Both can give you a general road map. This is what I’m shaping for my life right now. Hey, in a month I’m up to almost 500 folks on my fan page.

If you’d like to take those general ideas and make ‘em a lot more specific, I’m very good at helping people taking all these disparate ideas and help them crystallize ‘em and morph into something that’ll create an income stream doing what you love. Email me at mentoringwithDenise@hotmail.com

Most importantly, never give up on the Secret Adventure you want to create. It can lift you and bring more joy to your life that you ever thought imaginable. Anything that you can dream up – there’s always a way.

Posted in Adjusting to Change, Empower U, Excellent Adventure |

Tagged adventure, dream, income, marketing, passion, selling |

Do You Cheat Others When You make a Profit?

Published January 14, 2010 |

One impressions I get from many women is that deep in your heart you may have a subconscious belief that you’re cheating others and are somehow bad if you make a profit.

Do you feel guilty when you make a healthy profit on what you do?

Do you charge enough for your products and services or do you undercut yourself at times?

Yesterday I had a meeting with a lovely woman who owns a business but spends all her time promoting others. She doesn’t take any money for doing this. In fact, when she’s tried to charge for helping others in this way – sending out notices for others on her e-newsletter and other promotional strategies – people are actually angry with her and say she should be doing it free.

In the meantime, her dear husband is working his tail off trying to make ends meet and his job is based on earning commissions. Unfortunately over the holidays the commissions were very low and now they’re trying to figure out how to pay all their bills.

I asked some probing questions of this woman and discovered that her Mother was a stay at home mom who only worked part time on an infrequent basis. My client got a lot of deeply negative messages about women who promote themselves and try to be anything but humble and meek. Messages like:

“Don’t get a big head.”
“Don’t be conceited.”
“Don’t be selfish.”

The message she got was that when she is nice and gives everything away and constantly helps others she’s being “a good woman.” When she does something for herself – she’s not a good woman. So, she keeps creating circumstances that reinforce that perception.

The challenge is when it’s time to pay the bills – if you’ve shorted yourself on what you charge, you end up falling short when it comes to your lifestyle and paying your bills. You can’t exactly go to your mortgage company or the grocery store and say, “Um, I’m a really nice person. Would you give me a little extra discount?”

Of course we know that’s silly. Why? Because these real businesses don’t give extra discounts. So if you consider yourself a real business – why are you undercutting yourself?

Here’s where it comes back around: In the real business world people don’t say, “Gee, that’s so nice. She’s only charging me $$ instead of $$$.” Instead they silently think, “She’s charging so much less than market rates – she must not be as good.”

Traditionally women always gave away our work. We have a history as volunteers. And, for centuries we were at the bottom of the totem pole when it came to jobs. Women were praised for being selfless and for constantly giving with no expectation of ever receiving anything in return except the warm fuzzy feelings of knowing we’ve helped. We made our husbands look good in the community while he took care of the messy job of going out and slaying dragons. Additionally, many of us have dealt with boyfriends, husbands and partners who became threatened when the woman they love made significant money or enjoyed a level of success.

We live in a very different world than the world our mothers lived in when they raised us. We were raised to be good wives, moms, sisters, daughters, friends and maybe a good employee. But we certainly weren’t raised to be a good business owners. And, it’s extremely difficult in this day and age for husbands to carry the whole load.

What thoughts, beliefs or attitudes were you raised with regarding the money you earn? Was it different for a girl in your home or your community compared to a boy? How much is enough? Is it fair for you to get a healthy profit? Will those warm, fuzzy feelings pay the rent or the mortgage?

Women are now starting businesses at double the rate of men. This has been true for over five years now. But many women business owners struggle because they’re uncomfortable about what it says about them to be successful when they feel a societal expectation for women to keep give everything away. Is it a good thing to make a profit? Or, does it mean you somehow had to claw over others to gain success? Is your business struggling because you’re new and just getting off the ground? Or are you struggling for other reasons?

All the best,

Denise Michaels
Author, “Testosterone-Free Marketing”

PS: Sign up for my free Marketing and Empowerment Tips by clicking here.

Posted in Personal Growth |

Tagged cheating, Denise Michaels, home-based, marketing, nice, struggle, woman |

Light Through the Holidays

Published December 22, 2009 |

In recent years many of us have become drawn into finally understanding and caring about what life is like, in many other places and among different cultures around the world. We see more clearly how we’re alike and how we’re different from
other people we didn’t take much time to care about before.

Look at the common thread running through each of these holidays celebrated by people with different religious and spiritual beliefs:

• The wise men followed the light from a star in the East to leading them to a manger in Bethlehem to find the newborn king bathed in light. That’s the reason for the season: Christmas

• Hanukah, celebrated by the Jewish people is about the miracle of the oil in the lamp lasting for seven days when it should only have lasted for one day and so candles are lit on the menorah.

• The Muslim holy month of Ramadan begins when the light of the crescent moon is seen. For 30 days, the fasting ends and celebrating begins when the crescent light is seen again.

• The Winter Solstice is celebrated by Pagans on the darkest day of the year, December 21st, to pay homage to the fact that very soon the days will be more and more light.

• Kwanzaa, a newer holiday for people of African descent celebrates the virtues of Unity, Determination, Responsibility, Cooperation, Purpose, Creativity and Faith. Beginning December 26th, a different colored candle is lit each day.

• In India, a nation of 80 percent Hindus, Divali, known as the Festival of Lights is celebrated in November. There are joyful lights everywhere and countless millions splurge on sweets.

• New Years Day is about new beginnings and is celebrated with noisemakers, bubbly champagne, music, fireworks, the ball dropping in NY City and sparkly, light-attracting clothes.

Why discuss the common thread of light in the midst of all the festivities?

Because marketing your business is about letting your light shine. Not being afraid to let others know how proud you are of your business and what you offer to others.

Are you letting your light shine? Are you getting out of your comfort zone a little bit more each day to shine a light on your business and yourself? Or, do you feel uncomfortable when another person let’s her light shine? Do you try to pull her down because her light makes you aware you’ve missed opportunities to shine your own light? Do you fall into the predictable pattern of waiting for others to notice you?

I want to wrap up by sharing these famous words from Marianne Williamson’s book “A Return to Love.” Williamson wrote:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves,
“Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us.
It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.”

Posted in Seasonal Stuff |

Tagged comfort zone, fear, light, marketing, Powerful, woman |

Teach a Man (or Woman) to Sell a Fish

Published December 2, 2009 |

By Denise Michaels, Author, “Testosterone-Free Marketing”

Last Sunday morning I was watching, “Meet the Press” on NBC. The moderator, Dick Gregory, wisely decided to skip politics for once and talk about giving and gratitude since it was the week of the Thanksgiving holiday. He interviewed a couple of heavyweights on the topic.

The first half of the show he interviewed Rick Warren, pastor, of the huge Saddleback Church in Orange County California. Warren is also author of the mega-bestseller, “The Purpose-Driven Life.” Only the Bible has sold more copies than his book. The second half of the show, he interviewed Bill and Melinda Gates about their work with The Gates Foundation.

Early in the show Warren was asked about the old Chinese proverb, “Give a man a fish or teach a man to fish.”

Warren wisely replied that we also have to teach a man how to sell a fish – otherwise we end up with a glut of fish and poor fisherman who can’t sell their wares. And, I might add, then the fish start to stink.

Okay, I’ve been banging this drum for a long time now. I have many readers of my books, attendees at my workshops and marketing mentoring clients who’ve seen the light – however a lot of people still mistakenly believe that their ability to have a successful business lies in having a skill. It doesn’t. Your ability to have a successful business lies in having a salable product or skill and the ability to sell it.

I see people all the time who constantly go back for more skill training because they mistakenly believe that upgrading their skills will result in more business. Now, I’m not against upgrading your skills and keeping up. People do this because they’re fascinated by what they do – they want to learn more. People also do this because it’s safely within their comfort zone.

What I am against is the notion that increasing your skills and the services you can offer will create more cash flow. Most of the time it won’t. Learning how to market and sell effectively will increase your cash flow.

It’s like that ol’ quote by Albert Einstein, “Insanity means doing things the way you’ve always done them and expecting a different result.”

Here’s the good news about selling and the FIRST thing you need to learn: it doesn’t have to be pushy, obnoxious or anything negative. It should be win-win. It should be positive. After all, if someone buys your product or service they get to enjoy all the benefits. Start from that premise instead of the idea the mistaken idea that selling is always yucky or awful. After all, sales is what keeps our economy going.

Posted in A-has for Women |

Tagged Insanity, marketing, training, win-win, woman |

The 5C’s of Marketing for Women

Published November 17, 2009 |

By Denise Michaels, Author, “Testosterone-Free Marketing”

• Do you have a great idea for a business but haven’t launched it?
• Do you feel you don’t know enough about marketing?
• Have you started a business but it hasn’t grown as you hoped?

You’re in good company. Everywhere you turn women are starting businesses leaving behind the corporate world and affording them the opportunity to enjoy greater freedom and more time to share with the people they truly care about. In fact, women are starting businesses at double the rates of men.

I’ve coached thousands of women entrepreneurs and many mistakenly believe if a product or service is of high quality it will sell itself. Not true. If you forget to focus on marketing and selling you don’t have a business – you have an expensive hobby.

There are many ways new business owners can spend money on marketing with no guarantee of results. There are so many choices. Expert guidance working with someone someone who has cracked the code can greatly improve your chances for success. Entrepreneurs want hands-on, step-by-step information that makes your life simple without putting demands on your time.

One of the many marketing ideas I help attendees discover in my workshops is “The Five C’s of Marketing”. They include:
• Love your Customer
• Be Clear
• Do marketing that’s emotionally Compelling
• Be Congruent
• Avoid Confusion

Love Your Customer
This means more than great customer service. Most people are so caught up in their product or service, they never determine who their ideal customer is. They waste time trying to attract everyone, educating skeptics who will never buy, rather than focus on individuals who are perfect for you.

When I ask, “What makes your customer or client tick?” they are at a loss for words. Their energy is going into learning about the product and not their customer.

It’s easy to get caught up in the passion of a product, process or idea. There is no risk or rejection. Determine what you do and who you do it for takes vision and love.

Be Clear
Create a succinct, passionate message. Many people call this “an elevator speech.” If you were on an elevator and noticed the one person who could boost your business, what would you say? If you can’t sum up who you are and what you do in thirty seconds, you’re unclear. Figure it out and offer it how they want to receive it. Clarity will help you attract more ideal customers.

Do Marketing That’s Emotionally Compelling
Your experience of how you overcame obstacles with your product of service can be compelling. People see themselves in your story and think, “Wow! If it worked for her it could work for me.” Marketing should make people say, “I gotta have that.” It tells a story of how you or others solved a problem in an emotionally compelling way.

Take a fresh, new look at your customers and the problems your product or service solves as well as the benefits you offer. Create an exciting marketing message that will build cash flow. This is what I help people do.

Be Congruent in Your Marketing
Being congruent means more than just walking your talk. People sense when the smallest nuance is out of place. You may not even be aware of it, but nothing flows because you’re trying to attract the wrong people. This creates a disconnect between you and potential customers. Get your marketing message flowing in a congruent, clear direction towards the people who are ideal and it will become easy.

Avoid Confusion That Results in a “No”

A confused mind always says, “no.” If your message is confusing people will say “no.” You could have exactly what they need but if they don’t understand how it solves their problem the answer will still be “no.” Read through every word. Look at every message you’re putting out whether it’s verbal or non-verbal and look for little things that might confuse your ideal customer and either change them or eliminate them.

Carpenters often say “measure twice and cut once.” In a way, marketing is like that. When you take time to figure out who your ideal customer is and how your product or service is right for them you will have cracked the code that will lead to greater success and more freedom and fun in your life.

Posted in Marketing Classics |

Tagged business, customers, Denise Michaels, emotionally compelling, marketing, message |

Manifest a Man Who will Love You Forever (Part 2)

Published November 15, 2009 |

By Denise Michaels,

(This is a continuation from Part 1.)

So, I knew I needed to make big changes. I knew I’d have to get out of my comfort zone to find true love.

I wrote an essay about what I wanted in a man. This is important. It doesn’t have to be an essay. It could just be a list. But here are a few crucial things to remember:

* If you want something in a man – you must be his equal because nature abhors a vacuum. If you want him to be fit and healthy it helps if you’re fit and healthy, too. If you want him to have a college degree it would help if you do too – or you’re working on it. It doesn’t have to be even-steven, but it has to make sense. If you want something you don’t possess – it helps if you have something else that compensates for that lack in a specific area.

* Sometimes we don’t realize it consciously, but what we THINK we want is actually what OTHERS want for us. Usually parents, girlfriends or someone else we have a close relationship with. These people have influenced us for years. They’re also the people whose approval we want so much we will unconsciously sacrifice perfect love (okay – almost perfect love *wink*) so they’re happy with us.

* Think about what will make your heart and soul happy. In my essay, I described how I wanted to feel when he touched me or held my hand. I described how I wanted his smile to affect me. I wanted him to be a good listener and have an easy sense of humor. I wanted him to be kind, gracious and liked by others but 100 percent true to me. I wanted him to have a good relationship with any children or exes. If he had children I wanted them to be grown.

* I didn’t care how tall he was as long as I could wear a medium heel and he’d be a little taller. I’m only 5’4″ tall and Ernie’s about 5’8″. After previous husbands who were 6’1″ and 5’11″ tall I learned height, though attractive, has nothing to do with real love. I also wanted a man who had a college degree who understood business but I didn’t want to be in competition. I wanted him to be supportive of my crazy ambitions and comfortable letting me shine. Ernie is all that.

* I didn’t care how much money he made but I wanted him to be self-sufficient and responsible with the money he did have. Traditionally women wanted men who make big bucks because at a primal level it was about looking out for the welfare of our future children. Now, its more about him being able to afford bling and a MacMansion. Don’t you trust in your ability to make your own money?

* Sweet, kind, supportive guys usually aren’t Wall Street Wonders or Captains of Industry slaying dragons and doing multi-million dollar business deals. Those guys want you to endlessly support them and be the Trophy Wife, not the other way around. The good guys are the men most women don’t notice. Or you’ll say, “He’s not my type.” They’re a teacher, web designer, social worker, computer geek, physical therapist, police officer or some other average position. These men can have a heartful of love to give.

* Millions of women are so busy drooling over “bad boys” and “players” – they never see the good guys. Open up to the idea that your type is an “unconditionally loving” man not a particular “look” or someone whose a constant challenge to your sanity or your self esteem. Slick guys lead to heartache. Why? Because they’re not emotionally available. They don’t know how to love a woman. They don’t have the maturity to be a loving husband to you.

* Don’t try to make him more loving, affectionate or communicative. The magazine headlines are wrong. Many women try to turn a person into a project. Stop wasting your time. Look for a guy whose naturally loving, affectionate and communicative. Upgrading his wardrobe and his hair isn’t difficult – but just about everything else is. It’s easy to change a man on the outside and almost impossible to change him on the inside. Besides, loving a man’s “potential” isn’t loving him – it’s loving what you WANT him to become.

Back to my story…

I didn’t date for almost a year – but I noticed when I started dating I was connecting with nice guys. I dated these men about a month and decided as nice as they were – we didn’t have enough in common to sustain a relationship. I looked at it as “practise.” I practised being open and vulnerable. I practised what it was like to share my feelings with a man and not have him whomp me over the head with ‘em later. Being vulnerable did make me more powerful.

When I finally met Ernie I just KNEW. I’d changed my perspective and my expectations of men. I changed what I thought of as important. So when I met that guy – my wonderful husband Ernie – it was instant. And yes, his smile still melts my heart, his touch makes me feel I’m home and he’s still a great listener.

When you get away from what you THINK you’re supposed to want and make different conscious choices that really work with the love you want to feel – that’s when you find love that’ll make you feel happy and fulfilled the rest of your life.

Isn’t that what you really deserve?

Tomorrow’s post: back to business. *smile*

Denise Michaels is author of the business bestseller, “Testosterone-Free Marketing.” Get your copy by clicking here. And, get Denise’s weekly empowerment and marketing tips by clicking here. Come join Denise Michaels in a movement to empower women business owners like you to be all you can be and to have more joy, more fun and more success in your life.

Posted in Personal Growth |

Tagged Denise Michaels, happiness, love, marketing, relationship, woman |

Common Sense can Increase Your Sales

Published November 13, 2009 |