struggle

Am I Making the Moment Excellent Right Now?

Are you doing what makes you happy right now?

Are you making the moment excellent right now?

Are you feeling relaxed and fulfilled with your direction?

Answering those questions is about making an assumption you KNOW what makes you happy.   You KNOW what makes a moment excellent and fulfilling.

Some people feel there is no greater joy in life than helping others.  Later on down the pike some of those same people reach a pivotal moment when they decide, “The hell with this! These people don’t appreciate my hard work and efforts.” So a life that’s been based on providing service and kindness to others results in burn out and feelings of disappointment and resentment.

So, first it’s about struggling to figure out what change they need. What will make them feel happy and fulfilled.  Challenging when your entire adult life has been about service to others and not about even tuning in to what you want.

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Back to the Drawing Board

In recent days I’ve gone back to the drawing board on this whole excellent adventure thing.

Y’know how it is – there’s something you want to do different in your life – and you want it right this moment.  And the more your life is entrenched in being a certain way – the more of a struggle it is to unwind years of building and do something different. It’s like turning an ocean liner around.  It takes a Herculean effort to make it happen.

It took me four years to write my book, “Testosterone-Free Marketing.” I thought I wanted to build a seminar empire like I worked for with Robert Allen.  I watched and learned.  I invested a lot in them – and in myself.  And I enjoy speaking.  It’s a blast.  But the job of filling seats with attendees is 90% and speaking is the other 10% of the business.  I finally came to the conclusion even though I’ve sold out the workshops I’ve done – I have no interest in spending 90 percent of my time worrying about how to fill seats.

I want to focus on writing. That’s what I’ve known God put me on the planet for since I was a girl of eight years old.

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The Perils of “Cupcake Marketing”

Let’s be honest.

Many women who own businesses say they’re dedicated to  creating success but they really have an expensive hobby.  They take mincing steps questioning spending ten bucks on flyers or twenty bucks for a new book. But they effort spend hundreds on a new outfit or purse. Will this help you get closer to living an excellent adventure?

I call it Cupcake Marketing.

Back in the day women were always asked to bake cupcakes for bake sales. So they did. Some women still do. Many women always comply – and never ask for anything in return. They give it all away. Their hard work and ingredients are sold.

Eventually, many get peeved they’re always asked to bake cupcakes. But they wouldn’t dare say “no.” After all, they want to “be nice.”  Nice is more important than time or money.

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Why Change Feels so Damn Challenging

Friends are fascinating.  We see in them who we are – and sometimes we see who we don’t want to be. It’s natural to want to help people who are struggling but very often what’s most screwed up is their mindset.  For whatever reason each person must experience their own journey just like a butterfly must release itself from it’s cocoon or a baby chick must break free of the egg on it’s own.

This post is about three people I know and care about.  All have fallen on tough times economically.  All have been pushed into massive mid-life change and are doing their best to deal with the adjustments.  Each has handled it differently.

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The Enemy of Your Excellent Adventure: “My Brain is Full”

Last week I met a new friend for lunch. We’re the same age, both child-free, and entrepreneurial. I wanted to know more about her. She wanted to discover more about living an excellent adventure. Tracey’s a graphic designer.

“Do you design websites?” I asked. Many graphic designers do. I was thinking about a client who needs tweaking on his website. I thought I could refer business her way.

She caught me by surprise when she replied, “No, I don’t do web stuff. If you want an ad laid out for a print publication, brochure, a business card or anything in print – that’s what I do.”

It would’ve been easy to say, “Oh, okay,” and drop it. I couldn’t. This woman has big plans. She wants to go places and change the world. And, she needs cash flow to make it happen. Truth is, print to a large degree, is going the way of the dodo bird.

I asked why she didn’t expand her skills to where the greatest demand can be found. She looked at me with resignation in her eyes and said, “My brain is full.” We both laughed.

At 52, we’ve experienced so much technological change. We both remember dial phones and manual typewriters. It’s a struggle keeping up. I’ll stick knitting needles in my eyeballs before keeping up with it all. At least I try to keep growing and expanding my knowledge.

I have another friend, Harold. We’ve been good buddies for years. He’s steadfastly pooh-poohed the expanding role of the Internet, social media, blogs, etc. I don’t know if there’s a connection but his business has been through excruciatingly rough times the last two years. I’ve lent him my copies of “Tribes” by Seth Godin and “Crush it” by Gary Vaynerchuk. I’ve showed him how to set up a fan page on Facebook and a WordPress blog. He still doesn’t quite fathom its vast influence.

You could’ve plunged a dagger into my heart last week when he said he believes a huge movement will turn away from the Internet toward more personal, one-on-one connections. Oh, if it was only true.

Both Tracey and Harold want great things. Each is brilliant and has much to share with the world. Unfortunately, neither are willing to go through the learning curve and change required to make it happen.

If you want to re-design your lifestyle so you can live an excellent adventure and you know you need to create income as you go – the internet is key. Look for a business that’s less about passion and more about efficiency so you can have your excellent adventure while working far less hours. It’s doable and you can make it happen.

Another Excellent Adventure Get-together at Starbucks

Yesterday I met at Starbucks with another group of aspiring adventurers. Boy, did we have fun! The purpose of these get-togethers is providing support for people ready to re-design their lives. Its about making big shifts and creating new life grooves.

We met at the Starbucks in the Chinatown area of Las Vegas. Believe it or not, Vegas has it’s own Chinatown area. I wanted to meet there because going to China and walking The Great Wall is on my “bucket list.”

We pulled a couple tables together and got our beverages. This time of year it’s too hot to drink anything other than an iced Passion Tea, for me anyway. Although there was an Iced Chai in the group, and, Ernie got a Vivanno smoothie.

We talked about our excellent adventures. We talked about the shifts we needed to make it happen. When you have commitments and a certain way of doing things it takes conscious effort to change. We also discussed creative ways to make it happen faster: from house-sharing to sleeping on trains (my husband’s favorite) to finding work along the way to provide funds.

What always amazes me is the sense of ebullient hope people show at these events. Everyone around the table yesterday has struggled with the economy the last couple years. From job layoffs, to down-sizing homes, to a recent divorce and a woman who gets around town by bus because she doesn’t own a car. Yet, I didn’t hear a single complaint. Not one moan about the recession.

Instead, the conversation was about using the unexpected changes in our lives as a catalyst for positive growth. Turn lemons into lemonade. Rising from who you are now and gradually be, do, have something different. Totally different. It’s about your willingness to get out of your comfort zone. From an insurance agent who wants to be a life coach to a psychic who wants to write a book and travel the world.

I was proud of my group yesterday. Everyone who came is looking the right direction so they can thrive anew.

Are we a little crazy? Sure. We may drink the same iced coffee or Frappucino as the folks in suits rushing off to their jobs. But that’s where the similarity ends. We’re making happiness our aim. We’re redefining it in ways that happiness isn’t about the stuff you own. It’s about the experiences you have and the ways you share.

Join me at the next Excellent Adventure get-together coming soon.

All the best,

Denise Michaels
Author, ‘Testosterone-Free Marketing’

PS: Next month, I’m planning to put together a small tour of Starbucks in Southern California. I’ll be doing Excellent Adventure get-togethers. Want to meet and enjoy a get-together at a Starbucks near you? Can you gather a nice group of people looking to re-design their life? Let me know. I may put your city on my “tour.”

“Old Spice Guy” and a Changing World

Back in the day – the average person didn’t have access to media. They talked at us. We either listened, listened and purchased or turned the channel. Now, it’s a whole new ball game.

Until recently Old Spice was a tired, old brand. Enter some new ads (seen largely as YouTube videos) featuring hunka, hunka burnin’ chocolate love former NFL wide receiver Isaiah Mustafa. So far so good. The videos are going crazy on YouTube.

Here’s where it shifts. Old Spice asked people to submit questions to Old Spice guy. One guy asked if he’d propose to his girlfriend. He did.

Go to: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_-fLV28SkZ8 (If the link doesn’t work, copy and paste it into your browser window.)

The proposal video featuring Old Spice guy’s been online six days and has over 736,000 views. What does this mean? The average person has access to getting a message out in ways that were formerly impossible.

When my book was released, I wanted like crazy to get on Oprah and other national shows. Unfortunately, my crackpot publisher (don’t ask!) didn’t get distribution to major booksellers – so, no national TV exposure. I struggled, but made “Testosterone-Free Marketing” a business bestseller with internet sales – so it’s all good.

People ask, “When will you write another book?” Or, “When will you go BIG?”

My aim is to write and hopefully help people that way. It doesn’t have to be a book – but I do want to get paid. If I have an idea for a book I must write – I will. The world’s changing. Lately, I’m happy blogging, writing articles, etc. I can create a following using social media. When that following is big enough, I can get paid without being in bookstores or getting on Oprah.

Visit your average bookseller. What do you see? Books written by celebrities and wannabes. People with a big platform of fans growing bigger. People seen in Hollywood, reality TV, politics, or, they’ve had bestsellers out for decades. This is where the majority of book contracts go. Where are the thoughtful, intriguing books written by an unknown author that make you think and discover new ideas? They’re buried or never make it into print. Without promoting the right way – well, fuddegaboudit.

Recently I met a woman who paid $65,000 for a package that promised support getting her book written, published, promoted and a bunch of bells and whistles. The guru who sold her the package fell short. But that’s not the point. People are desperate to crack the code on becoming known.

Create an Internet following and your own platform. Become a known expert on twitter, your fan page or your blog. Don’t wish and hope for national TV exposure. Build your following, your tribe, one happy fan at a time. And, do it from your laptop or Ipad while enjoying an excellent adventure.

If You REALLY Look Forward to Friday – Maybe You Need an Excellent Adventure

Are you champing at the bit when Friday rolls around? Excited to know for 48 hours you can give your crazy work pace a break and chill out?

The purpose of life is to be happy. To create the condition of happiness. It’s also to have an experience that satisfies our curiosity and longing to discover the world around us. First we must give to ourselves. Make ourselves happy. Then we can give to others and make their lives better.

Pretty tough struggle doing that from a cubicle.

Also, challenging with a business where you do the same thing over and over. Having Tupperware parties. Recruiting distributors. Or, selling houses. Over and over.

I get it. It costs money to live. Believe me, I’ve been working since I was 12 years old. I worked through college. I worked through divorce when I was heartbroken. I got to work two days after moving from Detroit to San Diego. I worked when I was married and when I was single. I’ve known disappointing struggle and dizzying success.

I’ve spent many years doing the “work as passion” thing. It feels less like work. Yes, it’s completely possible to love your work. However, no matter how you frame it, some things still feel like work. After all, helping people solve problems is why many businesses exist.

When you wake up if you can’t wait for it to be your day off, maybe you need an excellent adventure. Most home-based business owners never take a day off. We may lighten up on the weekend. But, if you’re truly dedicated and creating cash flow, true days off are far and few between.

Here’s a little homework assignment: go to http://www.bing.com It’s a search engine competing against the big boys: Google and Yahoo. Every day they display a beautiful picture. It might be the skyline of a European city. Fishermen off the coast of India. Or, a gorgeous shot of the Liberty Bell on the Fourth of July.

Mouse over the picture and you’ll see questions appear. Click to discover the answers. You’ll learn about an area of the world perhaps you never considered. There are people living, eating, working there every day. It’s a small, safe, free way to take a mini, five-minute excellent adventure.

Sure, an excellent adventure is far, far bigger. But it’s one tiny way to whet your appetite. Get started now.

Do You Cheat Others When You make a Profit?

One impressions I get from many women is that deep in your heart you may have a subconscious belief that you’re cheating others and are somehow bad if you make a profit.

Do you feel guilty when you make a healthy profit on what you do?

Do you charge enough for your products and services or do you undercut yourself at times?

Yesterday I had a meeting with a lovely woman who owns a business but spends all her time promoting others. She doesn’t take any money for doing this. In fact, when she’s tried to charge for helping others in this way – sending out notices for others on her e-newsletter and other promotional strategies – people are actually angry with her and say she should be doing it free.

In the meantime, her dear husband is working his tail off trying to make ends meet and his job is based on earning commissions. Unfortunately over the holidays the commissions were very low and now they’re trying to figure out how to pay all their bills.

I asked some probing questions of this woman and discovered that her Mother was a stay at home mom who only worked part time on an infrequent basis. My client got a lot of deeply negative messages about women who promote themselves and try to be anything but humble and meek. Messages like:

“Don’t get a big head.”
“Don’t be conceited.”
“Don’t be selfish.”

The message she got was that when she is nice and gives everything away and constantly helps others she’s being “a good woman.” When she does something for herself – she’s not a good woman. So, she keeps creating circumstances that reinforce that perception.

The challenge is when it’s time to pay the bills – if you’ve shorted yourself on what you charge, you end up falling short when it comes to your lifestyle and paying your bills. You can’t exactly go to your mortgage company or the grocery store and say, “Um, I’m a really nice person. Would you give me a little extra discount?”

Of course we know that’s silly. Why? Because these real businesses don’t give extra discounts. So if you consider yourself a real business – why are you undercutting yourself?

Here’s where it comes back around: In the real business world people don’t say, “Gee, that’s so nice. She’s only charging me $$ instead of $$$.” Instead they silently think, “She’s charging so much less than market rates – she must not be as good.”

Traditionally women always gave away our work. We have a history as volunteers. And, for centuries we were at the bottom of the totem pole when it came to jobs. Women were praised for being selfless and for constantly giving with no expectation of ever receiving anything in return except the warm fuzzy feelings of knowing we’ve helped. We made our husbands look good in the community while he took care of the messy job of going out and slaying dragons. Additionally, many of us have dealt with boyfriends, husbands and partners who became threatened when the woman they love made significant money or enjoyed a level of success.

We live in a very different world than the world our mothers lived in when they raised us. We were raised to be good wives, moms, sisters, daughters, friends and maybe a good employee. But we certainly weren’t raised to be a good business owners. And, it’s extremely difficult in this day and age for husbands to carry the whole load.

What thoughts, beliefs or attitudes were you raised with regarding the money you earn? Was it different for a girl in your home or your community compared to a boy? How much is enough? Is it fair for you to get a healthy profit? Will those warm, fuzzy feelings pay the rent or the mortgage?

Women are now starting businesses at double the rate of men. This has been true for over five years now. But many women business owners struggle because they’re uncomfortable about what it says about them to be successful when they feel a societal expectation for women to keep give everything away. Is it a good thing to make a profit? Or, does it mean you somehow had to claw over others to gain success? Is your business struggling because you’re new and just getting off the ground? Or are you struggling for other reasons?

All the best,

Denise Michaels
Author, “Testosterone-Free Marketing”

PS: Sign up for my free Marketing and Empowerment Tips by clicking here.

The Perils of Cupcake Marketing Strategy

By Denise Michaels, Author, “Testosterone-Free Marketing”

Last week I had an amazing workshop with a roomful of women dedicated to creating success in their business and in their lives. There’s been a terrific buzz all over town since. Attendees have called to say the information I shared is helping them increase their business income already. I’ve gotten offers for more speaking engagements and it just goes on and on.

Which is great but I keep thinking about the women who said “no.” It seems like some women declined out of fear. I wonder how far these women will ever grow with their home-based businesses?

Let’s be honest. A lot of women say they’re dedicated business owners but they really have an expensive hobby. So, when asked to consider a small investment to discover easy, testosterone-free ways to grow, they’re not interested because they don’t want to grow. They take mincing steps forward and question spending ten bucks on flyers. But they spend hundreds on a new outfit or purse. They drive a great car. It’s all about priorities.

I call it Cupcake Marketing Strategy.

You know how women used to always get asked to bake cupcakes for the bake sale for their kid’s school, the church, the library or whatever? They were asked to bake, so they did. Some women still do – every time. Many women always comply when asked – and never ask for anything in return. Then the organization sells their hard work and ingredients, the cupcakes, for a dollar each. Eventually, many get a little peeved that they’re always asked. But they wouldn’t dare say “no.” After all, they want to “be nice.” Nice is more important than their time or their money.

Pitching in and giving everything away is admirable when it comes to helping out in the community. However, it can spell disaster in business when we use that same penny-pinching thinking and don’t speak up for ourselves.

I’ve met women who seriously undercharge for their products and services because they lack the marketing skills and confidence to charge what they’re worth. They think they’re “being nice.” However, “niceness” results in a constant squeeze for money. To compound matters, they end up having a tough time getting new customers because people mistake “niceness” for incompetence. They think, “Gee, you don’t charging the going rate. Must be because you’re not be as good.”

Being “nice” is a totally different thing from being “pleasant” or “polite.”

Here’s the crazy part: instead of learning to politely decline, they keep doing it. Einstein said, “Insanity means doing things the way you’ve always done them and expecting a different result.”

Next these ladies try to figure out ways to get things free or discounted from other women – because they’re financially strapped. They wouldn’t DARE ask a man to discount his prices. This results in more women with financial challenges. They feel they can’t say “no” because they want to be nice. Maybe they’ll gripe to someone else – but never the person who asked them. After all, they don’t want the other person upset.

Oh, puh-leez… can we all just grow up a little?

The whole thing has spiraled out of control like an over-sized swirl of buttercream frosting on top of a Red Velvet cupcake. We are held to a totally different standard of “how to do business” from men. In so doing, we’ve created a pink collar ghetto of women entrepreneurs struggling to avoid getting a real job. Women who say, “everything is great” when they meet others. Most aren’t thinking about thriving – they’re too busy just surviving. In my experience these women believe someday:

* I’ll be able to charge full price
* I’ll gain the respect I should have
* People will see my true worth
* I’ll make enough money to end the struggle
* I’ll stop working like crazy with very little reward

It’s like believing someday your Prince will come. He’ll sweep you up in his strong, muscular arms and take you away from all the financial stress. If you’re really nice it’ll all work out and you’ll be rewarded for that. Well, yes karmically I believe that what goes around comes around – but if there isn’t a focus on financial gain – it won’t necessarily come back as financial good.

Someday is today. Nothing will sweep your stress away if you don’t figure out effective, testosterone-free ways to create more business income. There are three ways to build more business income:

* Get more customers (new and repeat business)
* Charge more for what you do
* Get customers to make larger purchases when they buy

Prince Charming in your business is about increasing your confidence, your marketing and your testosterone-free selling skills.

Stop waiting for people to notice your worth like you waited for the cute boy you passed in the hall in high school to notice you. That’s okay in dating – but will spell disaster in your business.

Shift your thinking, level of “deserving-ness” and marketing skills, chances are you’ll your business income will increase. No one taps you on the shoulder and says, “Okay, the coast is clear. You can now charge $XXX per hour instead of $XX per hour.” No one gives you a raise or permission. You must give yourself permission. Validate yourself. Take yourself seriously.

If you have the intention and you’re willing to do what it takes to make it happen – then you’re dedicated. If this describes you send me an email at mentoringwithDenise@gmail.com and I’ll put you on my list of people interested in possibly attending my next workshop. It’ll be held in Las Vegas sometime in February or March of 2010 and it’ll probably be a two day event. Worth traveling to if you don’t live here already.

The point is I’ve watched enough victims of cupcake marketing who don’t even realize they’ve fallen prey to it’s perils. If you’re ready to stop struggling and live an abundant, financially prosperous and deeply satisfying life say, “ENOUGH!!!”

Denise Michaels is author of the business bestseller, “Testosterone-Free Marketing.” You can get your copy by clicking here. And you can get Denise’s weekly empowerment and marketing tips by clicking here. Come join Denise Michaels in a movement to empower women business owners to be all that they can be and to have more joy, more fun and more success in your life.